An Excuse to Craft

Crafting seems like such a guilty pleasure that I am happy when I have an "excuse" to pull some stuff out to play with. I'm working on a bulletin board for church that is in a common area in the basement/fellowship hall. I am excited to see what it looks like when it's up; I'll be sure to post pictures! I found some cute wrapping paper at the dollar store, and picked up a coordinating solid color - yellow. I struggled with what to put up there after it dawned on me that the yellow bees I was planning to put up wouldn't show up against the solid yellow paper.  I wanted something spring-y without being holiday specific. It had to be bright, and cheerful without being childish. And it had to be more interesting than just a two-dimensional board. So I left it. I was too exhausted last weekend to worry about it.

I finally came up with the saying/theme, "Showers of Blessings" and found an adorable umbrella to work into the design.  I couldn't find the right shade blue streamers to use for the border, so I sat and cut strips of cardstock today.  I have the raindrops cut out, too, and I was going to write words on them in white jell pen, but they won't show up well enough. I searched my craft stuff; I am almost positive I have small white stick on letters, but I can't find them. I looked for plastic alphabet stencils in Baby's room, but I can't find the little book that has the stencil sheets in them. sigh. So for now the raindrops will be silent. haha  As soon as Little Boy comes home from his friend's house, we'll go down to church and get the stuff put up. And then I need to get stuff put away where I can find it again the next time I have an excuse to get crafty. ;)

Here's the board. :)  It's not perfect, but I think it's cute.

Gotta get a little more serious

about avoiding nitrites and nitrates! I have been fighting terrible hives for several days. Right now their place of choice to pop out is on my scalp. So when they're itching terribly, and I scratch, and break the skin, I keep pushing my hair coloring farther into the future. :(   And way too many grays are visible right now. So tonight I got Pizza Hut pizza for supper, and the boys ate pepperoni pizza and Baby and I had a Veggie Lover's pizza (w/o green peppers). 

Not only are we fighting off hives, Baby and I have been trying to get rid of her terrible case of athlete's foot. She picked it up last year when we went to a pool in a hotel. We got rid of it, and then last month she wore her Crocs, and it came back even worse. Crocs are supposed to be anti-fungal, but it didn't help poor Baby. We've been soaking her feet in domeboro and putting on the Lamisil. They still look terrible, though. :(

If a website falls in the forest....

So a while back, some of the ladies at church said the church needs a website so people in the community know the church is still open.  DH was standing there, and I said that he knows how to build a site. They asked him to do it.

He made a comment recently that he really didn't want to do it, so I found wix.com. A site that has free templates and is pretty self-explanatory. So I muddled my way through it, and put together a basic site. He seems relieved to not have to do it, and thinks it looks ok.

I posted it more than once on the church FB page. - crickets -

I messaged the person in charge of the FB page asking them to list the website in the "about" section. - crickets -

I messaged the same person through the FB page. nothin'

What is going on? No one has commented on the site, and finally the website is listed on the FB "about" section.

I'm looking around... am I really invisible? sheesh

To Dog or not to Dog

We've been talking - ok, I have been talking - about getting a dog. I wanted to wait until after our trip to Disney, but I guess I could have gone forward before that. :/ Anyway. 

I don't want a small yippy dog. I don't want a short-haired dog, because I do not like little short dog hair poking me from the furniture. I don't want a black dog because I think their faces are scary. (I know, I'm weird.) I want a female. So we've narrowed it down to the following breeds - Collie, Sheltie, Golden Retriever or Setter - and we're open to mixes, so I've been watching the local shelters carefully.

We don't really want a puppy. I would not be very patient when it comes to the potty training. So we're looking for a dog that is already house broken. 

So with that long list of wants, it may take us some time to find the right dog. But meantime, maybe we can get the toys off the floors!

From the outside

looking in. That's how I feel very often. And now that we're going to a "new" church, I feel it even more. You'd think with "family" there, I wouldn't feel that way. But when even they huddle together and talk, without more than a couple words for me, it's hard. There are a couple older ladies who like to share their aches and pains with me, but other than them, I rarely get a hello. But I love teaching the Children's Church class, and so I concentrate on my love for those little people. 

Referee

What's black and white and so very not happy?

Mommy Referee! We have a new neighbor boy who is Little Boy's age. They get along very well, and play together almost every day now. But then there's the third wheel named Baby. She's very jealous that he has a friend to play with and she doesn't. And she doesn't do well being left out. I keep reminding her that when the weather gets nicer, she can play with the little girl who lives next door, but that isn't soon enough for her cranky little self.

So almost daily, I'm calling her in. She is loud and rude and mean, and I can't seem to get through to her that if she would be nicer, they would be nicer. sigh

Today I took her with me to put up paper for a new bulletin board at church. She likes to go with me, but she gets bored very quickly. I needed her help, and she played with my new Kindle. We ran to the dollar store to see if they had streamers the color I want for my border, and I let her pick out a movie. When we got home her new magazine came in the mail - Clubhouse Jr. I think she really likes it. Little Boy just started getting Sports Illustrated for Kids. I think it's awesome that they're getting something in the mail. I know how exciting that is.

I've been working on a logo for our new church. I'm almost done, but I'm still searching for the perfect font.

Back to cleaning the living room! It's a pit!

8 Months

So where have the last eight months gone? That's how long it's been since I posted here.

So many things have happened since then!

July 2012 - I turned another year older. sigh  The kids went to baseball camp. Little Boy did well; Baby played in the dirt. a. lot.  We survived VBS.

August 2012 - In August, DH and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. Baby turned seven, and I threw her a party at the ballet studio. I LOVED planning and decorating. But it took up all my time and focus for weeks. I should write a separate post just for her party. The next weekend we had a small party at the lake with family. She FINALLY got her "big girl bike".

September - Baby donated her hair to Children With Hairloss - a non-profit that collects hair, and supplies children with a new wig every year until they turn 18!  She was SO relieved to finally have it cut.

We went to Indiana to see my other family in September and we had a wonderful visit. It was so relaxing. And when we got back, we started school.

October and November were fairly uneventful, unless you count the election. So sickening to have another four years of the same, or worse. :(  But God is in control. I took the kids to get pictures taken at Walmart. I think they turned out pretty well.

December - I got my act together and got our Christmas cards out on time! We put our tree up late, but it couldn't be helped. We have battled sickness all winter. Baby had her ballet recital - she was cute! And then Christmas - I limited the kids' gifts to four this year. Of course they got stuff in their stockings, but they liked what they got. And then we went to G&Gs and they were loaded up with stuff. sigh. And I'm still trying to figure out where to put the "stuff".

2013 - January - We let the kids stay up to see the ball drop. We toasted with sparkling cider, and put the kids in bed. We were all still fighting the "crud". At the end of January, we let our church know we were leaving to go back to the church where DH attended for 30 years. It's been a transition, for sure. We left a growing church where things were getting way more organized, to a tiny, struggling church that is a mess. But we're needed, and it's nice for the kids to go to church with their family.

February - Finally feeling close to normal, and then we all got hit with sinus infections and Baby threw in an ear infection, too. Little Boy went to baseball hitting camp at the local state college. It seemed like it went really well. I wouldn't know, b/c Baby decided she could not sit there any longer. So I ran her home and went back. Little Boy had a great time.

March - We got a big snowfall here. Not what I would call a blizzard, maybe a storm. But the kids have loved playing in "good" snow. We've built a snowman, some forts and they've been scolded MANY times about throwing snowballs.

And I think that catches us up.

I'm not a hater

I am getting tired of "the left" labeling proponents of traditional marriage as haters.  It's a lot like my 6 year old daughter calling people who don't let her have her own way a "big bully." 

Note to self

I don't think I've ever met someone who second-guesses themselves or theorizes as to why someone does something more than I do.  Until today. 

It's annoying.

Stop it! 

Frustration Bible School

Our church's VBS is in 10 days.  Our director is not with it, to say the least.  I've been angry, frustrated, irritated and indifferent and many various combinations of these feelings.  But I keep reminding myself that VBS is for the kids.  I want it to be awesome for them.  So I have to keep giving myself an attitude adjustment and keep refocusing my attention.  I've had to raise my hands and give up on things I cannot control.

So when Baby asked me the other day if I was working on stuff for Frustration Bible School I had to laugh.  A much more accurate name for our program right now, for sure!

Letting go

I seem to have a very difficult time letting go.  Especially if I see someone taking over and doing a poor job.  But I need to let go for my sanity.  And I'm trying my best to let go. sigh  I find myself chanting (in my head - I'm not that crazy yet) "Let it go. Just let it go."  I wonder how long I'll have to say this?

Elevated Above Paul

It is in every person's nature to be offended when one's motives and even actions are questioned.  And if  a person isn't all-out offended, there's always that niggling hurt to deal with.

I think I've mentioned here before how I question everything I do.  I wonder if I'm being selfish, I wonder if I'm doing things with ulterior motives, and I wonder if I'm acting like my mother.

That's the emotional side of me.  The logical side of me says, "Fire away!"  Especially when I feel like what I've done is above reproach.  It's like having someone proof my work.  When I'm sure I've done things correctly and I've checked and double-checked it already, I'm fine with someone looking it over. 

Paul commended the Bereans for comparing his teachings to Scripture.  He was glad they were checking up on him; that they had the personal investment to question what he was teaching.  We should not be above that same attitude.  So when a person or an organization takes offense at being questioned, it galls me. 

I've seen my share of proud "leaders".  I've seen people who usually wear a great church face or Christian face chew out students for accidents.  I've seen these same "leaders" complain that they aren't being treated with deference.  What?  Seriously?  Jesus was not a respecter of persons.  The last shall be first.  The meek shall inherit the earth.  So do not be afraid to question the action of those who have been put or have put themselves in postions of authority.  On one hand they may be an authority figure, but they are also your equal.

A Lie

Somewhere along the line, we've been taught a lie.  And being the good little Christian sponges we were, we soaked up the untruth that in order for us to be blessed or to be in the center of God's will, we had to commit our lives to full-time Christian ministry.

It's a lie.  Like I tell my kids, it's a lie from the pit of Walmart. (lol)  It's not true; it's not practical.  It's a tool of Satan. 

I think I really saw this for myself when a pompous A$$ told my dear sweet brother that he would never be anything unless he was in "F-TCM".  Really?  I saw a Facebook post today that almost made me sick to my stomach, and it had to do with this idea.

It's this thinking that fans the flames of self-righteousness and pride. "I" am in F-TCM, and you are not.  "I" am in the center of God's will for my life, and you are not.  "I" "I" "I".  "I" have been there.  I'm ashamed.  And now that I'm a stay at home, homeschooling mom, Satan tries to use that thinking to defeat me.

How are we to be salt and light if we never live in the world?  Jesus didn't tell us to live together in our little convents and occasionally venture out to share the Gospel.  We're supposed to live in the world - rub shoulders with sinners - eat with the prostitutes and the lepers - SHOW them God's love.  Show them that the Gospel makes a difference.  Not that we can get together in church and put on our church faces and sing pretty dirges songs to God's glory. 

Chonda Pierce touched on this when I saw her with Natalie Grant a couple months ago.  She said she was excited to see Christians competing on AI, and other entertainment shows - they are being salt and light where salt and light are needed.

I'm not saying Christian schools or college are wrong.  I'm not saying homeschooling is bad.  I'm not saying that we should throw our children out into the darkness unprepared.  But we cannot tell our children that God's blessings only fall on those who preach, who teach in Christian schools or who go to foreign mission fields.  Not with any Scripture to back us up.

How'd we get so busy?

It feels like we are running in circles.  I've been busy before, but with DH's weird work schedule, church, doctor appointments and now baseball has started.

Tonight Baby had her first game.  It was a fiasco getting ready.  I was a little late getting there, but Daddy had taken her down to the field.  She's so cute in her uniform.  And no kidding, she stands like a "big leaguer".  She hit the first pitch twice, and then hit the second pitch her third at bat.  It's t-ball.  She's going to do great next year when she moves up to coach-pitch.  We like her coach; except when he encouraged her to slide into home plate EVERY TIME.  :)  It was cute, but it I'm sure it will be fun cleaning her white pants.  Actually, Little Boy's socks were worse; the playground has BLACK dirt, and he was wearing crocs.

The kids are a couple months into piano.  Little Boy is really doing well with reading the notes and with timing.  Their teacher says he's doing great.  Baby? She's doing great, too.  Teacher shows her something and she can repeat it.  I'm not surprised by either of their strengths.  I'm really pleased that they have a teacher who motivates them as she does.  They are each working on a simple hymn.  Once they have it down, she'll play a duet with them in church.  They are both nervous and excited for that. :)

We have a lady at our church who had a baby a couple weeks ago.  The ladies at church are throwing her a baby shower.  It's going to be a ladybug party. :)  The invitations and decorations are going to be adorable.  I went to the local candy store and got red, white and black candies.  That store has all kinds of candy I remember from when I was a kid - wax bottles with candy inside, candy cigarettes, pop rocks. :)

Last week when DH was in Milwaukee, my diet went completely in the rubbish bin.  And now I'm back on it, and doing fine.  My plantar fasciitis is feeling a little better.  I'm looking forward to being able to exercise and get this show on the road.

Little Boy's numbers have been pretty good lately.  He's had a couple lows at the 2 am check.  I think that's always the most frustrating thing.  He'll have a great number at bedtime, and then at 2 he's dropped.  Energy is stored in the liver during the day while he's active.  It is released hours later, and his sugar drops.  But it's never consistent.  I just try to not worry too much.

Tomorrow is another busy day.  I'm glad DH is working as union pres this week; he'll get to come home for lunch all week.  The kids and I sure like to see him during the day.  I'm afraid we're going to be spoiled.  Kinda makes up a little for his week away.

New Format

First post in the new format.  Don't know if I like this.

Little Boy scared me yesterday.  We were on our way to church and he freaked out.  His cap came off his tooth.  Long story short - it was a baby tooth that was pushed out by an adult tooth. Praising God.

DH and kids went to dentist this am.  Baby will need braces eventually.  She had two teeth fall out to make room for one coming in.  Apparently not a good sign.

Dentist sent a toothbrush home for mommy.  Seems I've not been there for a long time.  I know I need to go.  I have at least two teeth that will need work or pulled, and I just don't want to go. :(

Want to share a cute giveaway on a sweet blog.  This sweet girl married a former student of mine, and she writes a really sweet blog.  I know I'm using "sweet" a lot here, but she really is. :)

Gotta go.  More later on dieting, homeschooling, diabetes, crafting and a baby shower I'm helping with!

My head hurts

Sinus pain. I'm sure it's allergy-related. But it's quite annoying.


Kinda like people at church. So awhile back, DH, the kids and I went over to the pastor's home for dinner. We talked about the Easter service a bit. I asked if the kids would be in the service, or if I would need to teach children's church. I also talked about the egg hunts we'd done in the past. Pastor didn't give me an answer regarding the kids, but said we'd hold off on an egg hunt until some time in the future.

So I was completely caught off guard yesterday when Ms. P informed me that she and another teacher are doing an Easter egg hunt for the kids next Sunday.


WHAT THE HECK? So I emailed the pastor, asking what the plan is and what I'm expected to do. And what the kids will do during the service, if not the egg hunt.

He wrote back; Ms P. had spoken to him a couple weeks ago about the egg hunt. It's just something fun for the kids to do during the break between the breakfast and the service. nice. whatever.

And he thinks the easiest for me would be to keep the kids in the service. Well, I don't know about "easiest for me" but it would be nice for me to be able to hear one sermon every other month or so.

Tonight Little Boy had his first ball practice. I want to call the guy who puts the teams together so badly and tell him he SUCKS. My son has 3 or 4 other kids who have played before, and the rest come up to his armpits. I'm not lying. The team that came to practice when we left were all huge. I'm so p.o.'d it isn't funny. What the HECK!???

I am just one angry momma. And I don't see a change anytime in the near future. >:(

Blah

Tired, down, overwhelmed, uninspired, fat.

Just a taste of how I'm feeling right now.

Being an adult stinks

I remember being a kid thinking I couldn't wait until I grew up and could do whatever I wanted to do. ha ha ha

The other day Baby barfed in her bed. Daddy cleaned it up while I gave her a bath. She was nauseous for another day or so. Last night when DH came home from work, he drove home with a doubled Walmart bag at hand incase he got sick. About 12:30 I heard him. There is nothing worse than hearing someone retch. And it brings back really bad memories of my dad.

About 2, he got up to check Little Boy's sugar just in time to hear LB get sick - in his bed. We got his bed changed, and DH went back to bed. I slept at the end of LB's bed; I think I'll be a cripple today.

I've been working on putting together activity packets for kids at church for Easter. Maybe if I have more notice, I won't forget some of the things I had planned. I found a new cute blog that I can use for ideas. I love finding new blogs. It's like getting a new magazine in the mail. :)

It's been awhile

since I last posted. I'm still doing the Atkins thing. My jeans fit. I know I could lose weight much more quickly if I would exercise. But my foot has been killing me. After researching online, I'm pretty sure it's plantar fasciitis. :( One of the main ways to heal this condition? Lose weight. grrr.

Baby barfed in her bed last night. :( About the time we got her and her bed cleaned up, it was time to check Little Boy's sugar. And then we collapsed into bed.

I think Baby got sick from eating junk at G&Gs and from crying for me last night while I was at the ladies' meeting. This meeting went much better. More later.

FAT

So I don't know how much I've lost, but I'm still FAT. I bought a new nightie - size HUGE - and it doesn't fit. So while I was trying it on, I looked at myself in the mirror and almost threw up.

I have a long way to go.

Blech and Blah

I ate too much pepperoni casserole for supper. It is hard to not nibble/snack/pig out while I'm fixing it and cleaning up.

I've been feeling lonely today. It would just be nice to have a friend here. I want to be closer to my friends and family.

Progress

I'm not sure how much weight I've lost, but my pants are falling down. :) So I must be doing something that's working. I think the weirdest thing is fixing a meal for my husband and kids and then eating an Atkins bar or drink for a meal.

I've been dealing with a lot of frustration lately. Most of it stems from church and church people. So I'm trying to let go of trying to control things. It's really hard to do that.

I got a beautiful bouquet of red tulips from my husband today for Valentine's Day. :)

The kids are outside playing. School today was a fight, and they've been very rambunctious all morning. I'm looking forward to naptime, so I can take a nap! I'm falling asleep sitting at the computer.

I was looking at a fat people's clothing catalog today. Makes me mad that they have skinny people modeling the clothing. I want to see what that shirt looks like on a fat person, not someone wearing a size 6.

Need to make a valentine for my husband tonight while he's at work. Probably should help the kids make some cards, too. But I get so freaked out with markers and glue and stuff. Oh well. I'm sure they would enjoy it.

A couple fails

last week, but for the most part I have really stuck to my diet plan.

And today started out great. So I'm going on week 4? I think? Doesn't really matter, I can see some results.

Tonight is our ladies' fellowship meeting; I hope some people show up. We changed the night we meet to accomodate some people. We'll see if they show up now. I'm getting a bit discouraged that we can't seem to get people out.

Gotta get moving; kids need to start school. :)

I try

to not offend people with my opinions if I know someone in the room/group holds different opinions.

But it gets really hard.

Sometimes I just wanna smack people.

Ok. Vented.

Can you ever have too much

bacon? I had a couple packages that were close to the expiration date, so I baked them in the oven. It seemed the quickest way. It made a big splattery mess in the oven, so now the oven is cleaning. I ate too many pieces. It's a good thing I'm doing Atkins. I'm sure the high fat content isn't healthy, but it's all protein/no carbs. I finally had to grab some gum.

I tried my jeans on today. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I was impatient. When I started, I could barely button and zip them. I had them on for about 15 minutes, and I couldn't stand it. I got them on, buttoned, and zipped them. They were ok. Still a little snug, but I could probably wear them for a couple hours and be ok. I'm a little disappointed. I guess I was hoping they'd be looser. Another week or so and I'm hoping they fit correctly. And then hoping in another couple weeks they will be too big. I know I can do this. I just have to not get discouraged. And I should probably lay off the bacon. lol

We stayed home

from church today. It's been awhile since we've done that.

Little Boy and I were both feeling sick. Baby was very unhappy.

Today they had a dinner after the service, so they were upset to miss it. And it was the men's chili cookoff; Little Boy made chili. He was so sure he would win. Baby felt left out, so I let her help me make sandwiches. Looks like we'll be eating chili and sandwiches for awhile.

I have stuck to my diet. Atkins sells treats that are less than 5 net grams of carbs, so I might have one in the morning or afternoon, or both, and not feel guilty. I figure I've cut my carb intake by 75% since I've quit snacking and am only eating one meal. My "fat pants" are getting loose. :) Yay. I'm going to wait until Wednesday to try my jeans on. I am not tired of the shakes yet. I bought enough for the next couple weeks as an added incentive to keep it up. I seriously would like to lose 50 lb by summer. I know to do that I need to increase my activity level. So my goal is to start on the treadmill soon. I know that's procrastinating, but I need to work up to it. LOL

And I am really striving to get the kids' school stuff into a routine. The folders are still working really well.

This is going to be a busy week for us, so if I don't start on the treadmill this week I am not going to beat myself up. One thing my therapist has told me is that I am too hard on myself. I feel like many of my problems are a result of not being hard enough on myself. oh well.

Anatomy

Baby got several model horses for Christmas. They're fairly anatomically correct. ahem. She asked why the boy horse has a triangle and not a penis. So I explained that when they pee, it comes out, and when they are done it goes back up for protection. I just said it as expressionless as I could. Both laughed. I also explained that the size is proportionate to their body. I don't want them to be freaked out if they ever see it in real life, I guess. Little Boy laughed. "It must be really big! Mine is little, but I can pee alot!" I tried to not laugh; I figured they would not find it so funny or worth repeating.

Tonight DH and I were watching the news; Baby climbed up on me and asked, "How do you love a boy without being grossed out?"

DH and I both had a good laugh.

Perfect Portions Scale giveaway :)

Wouldn't this be awesome since I have to weigh and measure everything Little Boy eats?

I was wrong

The homework folders worked great again. I think I need to cut down on the handwriting pages for Baby. That seems to be the thing she balks at the most. She definitely needs to practice, but maybe I can take out one page.

Little Boy and I were reading Calvin and Hobbes together, and he started to really struggle. When he starts to struggle with simple words, he goes downhill very quickly. So I read the rest of the strip, and he only laughed a little. I made him go check his blood sugar. 58. Reading done for the day. :( I got his sugar back up, and fixed lunch.

It's such a beautiful day here. 48, sunny, breezy. I made him go outside. We're just going to let it go until tomorrow.

While I was fixing the kids folders this morning, I let them decorate for Valentine's Day. It's probably the first time in a couple years that I've even made the effort. They keep saying how nice it looks, but Baby especially can't understand that the holiday isn't tomorrow.

My diet continues to be do-able. I have a terrible habit of snacking while I fix the kids' plates. I'll put a serving of chips on one plate, eat some, put the other serving on the plate, and eat some more before closing up the bag. I do it without even knowing it. I'm trying to be way more conscious of that. Today I ate two tiny corn chips and closed the bag. I can't even tell you how great I feel that I didn't eat two handfuls. :)

I feel like I'm losing, but I didn't measure at the start so I'm not certain. Maybe I'll try my jeans on at the end of the week and see.

Weight

I think I'm starting to feel like I've lost some weight, which is always encouraging.

The kids did so well with their schoolwork today; I'll bet tomorrow will be horrible to make up for it.

Little Boy still struggles to read. He transposes lower case B and D constantly. We've been reading a Calvin and Hobbes book together. The author writes everything in upper case print, and it's nice to see LB not struggle with that issue. I noticed today that he remembered a couple of the words after he sounded them out the first time. Something else he struggles with.

Baby's biggest struggle seems to be stamina. LOL

Our friend didn't make it here last Friday to clean so she came tonight. What a blessing. Our house goes from disaster to spiffy faster than I could ever do it.

My left heel has been hurting - the part I step on. I've been wearing shoes with Dr. Scholls inserts; it really helps. But after I sit for awhile and stand up, I look like a cripple. Just another reason to lose weight. sigh

Still hanging in there

I haven't held myself strictly to a "diet". I'm replacing two meals, but today I forgot and ate lunch and supper. And I'm ok with that. I'll just skip any snacks tonight and start up again tomorrow.

It sleeted here last night. Everything is covered with snowy ice about 3 inches thick. DH shoveled the driveway. Little Boy helped his granddad clear their driveway. I came out to call the kids in for their naps, and Little Boy was driving the big tractor; plowing the driveway. I watched as he drove slowly down the driveway onto the ROAD. I couldn't watch. I came in and told DH. I don't think he's ready to be driving a huge tractor on steep, icy, blacktop driveways into the STREET.

We'll have to go to church a little early tomorrow morning so I can copy and fold the bulletin. I didn't want to drive in this weather, and DH was writing a paper for school and couldn't drive me over there.

Another lesson learned the hard way

I bought some Atkins snack bars. They are ok if you don't think about the texture while you're eating them. Think Reese's PB filling packed very solidly with fiber.

But clearly they have LOTS of caffeine in them, as I spent yet another restless night on the couch.

I know I seriously could lose 100 lbs. But we don't have a scale, so I don't even know how much I weigh. Which is fine because I think I'd be too depressed. My goal really isn't to lose a specific amount of weight. My first goal is for my jeans that barely buttoned a couple weeks ago to be too big. I tried them on the other day; they buttoned but aren't comfortable yet.

Day 7

I've made it this far, and it hasn't been easy. But it hasn't been impossible, either.

I do need to make a run to get more Atkins shakes.

I slept in this morning; I think I sleep more soundly between 9 and 11 am. sick

I am dreading kids' lessons tonight. I could do with a couple more days before going to the church. Oh well.

Is there something written on my forehead?

If there is, it could say any number of things: Ignore me. I'm incompetent. Offend me first.

Seriously?

dang

sigh

I wonder how long until I notice any results from changing my eating habits. Half makes me wish we had a scale. Only HALF - or less.

Definitely been chewing more gum. ha

Glad the kids agreed to go outside. They didn't want to take naps, so I had them play quietly for an hour in their beds. Yeah, right.

It's Day 4

So. I haven't thrown in the towel, but I did have a couple chocolate covered coffee beans today. :) DH bought some online; I think we could easily become addicted.

My kids have been acting horribly to each other. It's sassy words, hands on each other, disrespectful tones of voice. Ugh. I just want to put them in bed, but they have to get their showers.

I had my shake for breakfast and lunch, and so far I've had a white grapefruit for supper. I'll need to eat something else, but not too many savory things do well following up citrus.

I am surprised that I don't get hungry after the shakes. It's not like they are thick or large. I can feel my energy run down and then my blood sugar goes lower when I'm about 3 hours out. But not hungry.

I talked with our pastor for awhile today at church. Can't say it enough how great it is to have a pastor who has been in the middle of fundydom and survived to see things from a grace-based perspective.

The kids weren't happy to go to church with me tonight; I had to run and fold the bulletins. But I had my reasons. I have some things to do tonight before bedtime. Gotta go.

Day 3 still

It's 2 pm. The kids have needed a nap since 9 am. Not joking. Little Boy fought me all morning with his schoolwork. Baby was distracted and wrote ALL her numbers and some of her letters backwards. "I'm a lefty, Mommy!" By the time lunch came around, I was exhausted. I fixed their lunches, and endured their noisy lunch. It was nice to pull out a shake and be done.

DH leaves for work in about 15 minutes, and the kids are going to bed! I'll have an hour and a half to myself!

My friend who cleans was here today. She got a phone call from her mom, and she started crying and screaming. Her older brother has been sick for a long time, and he died this morning. He lived in California. All I could do was hug her and shoo the kids away. By the time she left she had calmed down.

Little Boy is practicing the piano. I am happy that they are still interested. Hoping their perseverance wears off on me. :-/

Day 3

Before I was even fully awake, I resisted temptation. :) My friend who cleans on Friday called to see if I wanted breakfast from McDonald's. My first thought was, "YES!" And then I remembered. :( I had my Caramel Shake.

Day 2

-100 lb diet - So I made it yesterday without any problems. I had a rice "salad" - brown rice, a very tiny sprinkle of cheese, bacon bits & tomato. I still felt a little hungry, so I nuked a very small potato and spread a thin layer of light sour cream on it. I had a single serving bag of popcorn last night while watching Revenge.

This morning I had a Mocha Latte Shake. Caramel is still my favorite. We ate "supper" for lunch since DH is working 2nd shift. I had pork roast, a salad and a very small potato w/sour cream and bacon bits. I'll have my second shake meal for supper, and popcorn for a snack while I watch my shows. Thursday nights are good TV here. Bones, Project Runway, The Finder (new show - spin-off from Bones!) and The Mentalist. LOVE Patrick Jane's hair, btw. I keep asking Mike if his hair could curl like his. LOL

Baby asked me this morning if I have lost any weight yet. I looked at my husband. He looked amused; I told her, "Yes. I peed." He almost choked. She patted my stomach and said she couldn't tell. Thanks.

The kids started their piano lessons last night. Both are excited; both wanted to practice this morning before 8 am. ugh Little Boy is catching on; Baby has started to say it's too hard. Could have something to do with me yelling for her to turn off the metronome and to stick to the notes she's supposed to practice. lol I found the perfect messenger bags for the kids online today. I looked for about a half an hour; glad I kept looking. The bags were $7 (before shipping).

We've been dealing with some attitude and tone-of-voice issues with her. She seriously acts like she's 13. great.

Little Boy's sugar seems to be leveled out for now. It always seems to go best when he doesn't snitch.

Day 1

So I've started. Again. And I'm sure it won't be the last time. But I've started my diet.
I know that healthy eating and regular exercise are the best way to lose weight. I know that I need to reduce my caloric intake. I probably know as much about losing weight as any nutritionist. But I know myself. I know that when I fix lunch for the kids, I need something quick and easy to fix for myself. I know that late afternoon and evening are my snacky times.

I also know that I need to lose about 100 lbs. to be happy with my weight. So while replacing two meals a day might be extreme for someone wanting to drop 20 or 30 lbs., I don't think it's an extreme place to start.

So. Here's my "plan". At least for now. An Atkins "shake" for breakfast and lunch. 1/2 a grapefruit halfway through the morning and afternoon. An attempt at a normal supper. And popcorn for a nighttime snack.

So I'm halfway through Day 1. I had a Cafe Caramel Latte Shake for breakfast. It is made with real coffee, which will help with my weaning off Diet Coke. About 3 hours later, even though I wasn't hungry yet, I could feel my blood sugar dropping. So I ate half a white grapefruit. For lunch I had a Milk Chocolate Delight Shake. I have to say, I really liked the Caramel Latte shake. The Milk Chocolate shake left me with that diet chocolate shake aftertaste. So, I know which one I won't be getting next time.

I haven't weighed myself. For one, we don't own a scale. For two, I'd prefer to measure by how my clothes fit or don't fit. My "fat" jeans are tight on me, and when they are too big on me I'll consider that my first met-goal.

A Baby funny: I opened her applesauce for her today. It's the little squeeze pouch kind. She took the cap off and asked, "Do I suck?" It just struck me funny. ;-)

Sunday

Our Sundays are rarely peaceful. We get up, eat, scramble to get dressed and out the door. I'm usually ripping something off the printer last minute, and trying to remind myself of whatever I'm forgetting. Daddy and Little Boy left first - RARE. Baby and I were ready to go, and I wanted to take her picture. She looked so cute. I don't remember ever thinking I looked as cute as she looked.

How do I keep from spoiling her and making her proud of her looks? I keep telling her she's the cutest little girl when she's sweet. I don't know if that's enough.

ANYway. I was searching all over for the camera so I could get a couple pictures. I'll post one after I load it onto the desktop computer.

The church service seemed disjointed this morning. I taught children's church today; my story was too short, my craft was too simple, and I couldn't find a coloring picture I liked. :( We filled the time with some songs, and besides Baby's little hissy fit, we were good.

Baby and I got McD's on the way home. Baby decided she didn't want McDonald's food. I told her her other option was soup. She chose soup. The kids went next door for an hour, came home and got into bed. I asked Baby if Grandma had complimented her cute hair-do. Nope.

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Daddy went to church tonight. I stayed home with the kids. Before the service, I got cornered and one lady wanted to know who wanted to change our meeting night - it wasn't a kind inquiry, more like an inquisition. She backed off when I told her it worked better for the pastor's wife. Then, in the five minutes we had to "greet people", that same lady told me her weekly sob story, and another lady tried to walk past me w/o looking at me. I just don't get it.

So I felt like staying home. It's too stressful. That's sad.

Baby has 5 wiggly teeth. Last night when she was gnawing on a chicken leg, one of her loose teeth bent forward and stayed there. Many tears followed, but she didn't want anyone to touch it. I told her it would probably go back into place while she slept. It didn't. Her teeth look so snaggly, I can't help but laugh. Poor pumpkin.

One of my favorites

My Shadow
Robert Louis Stevenson

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow--
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,
And he sometimes goes so little that there's none of him at all.

He hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close behind me, he's a coward you can see;
I'd think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

Sadly, I think this headache I can't shake has become like my shadow. I think I may be back to being addicted to caffeine.

Homeschool Review

Tomorrow I need to take a sample of the kids' work and my grade book and planner to the Homeschool group. I've started making xerox copies of the work so I don't have to wait while they make copies on their little desktop copy machine. So I'll run to church today and make some copies. Then I have to finish filling in some stuff on the planner and gradebook, and I need to find the kids' report cards. I got them when I registered the kids, and I put them where I knew I could find them. ugh. Why do I do that to myself?

I stress myself out over this every time. I'll be glad to be done.

Wow - where have I been?

I don't really know the answer to that. I guess going through the motions of the holidays. Thanksgiving is just a blur. We went to the in-laws and had roasted chicken. It's like anticipating steak, and being given a teensy, weensy burger with no toppings. So I had a free turkey I got with my store card bonus points, and I planned to cook it that weekend. It was still frozen - 6 days in the fridge and it was icy. So I made it on Monday. It was good, and we used up all the leftovers from Thanksgiving day. I fixed gravy out of a jar, and my snotty son thought it was wonderful until he learned it wasn't homemade. Whatever. Gravy is one of those things I've never cared for, and I don't really feel the need to learn how to fix it.

Christmas. I endure it for the sake of my children. DH brought the tree and decorations down, and the kids decorated it. DH hung a couple ornaments at the top and put up the star. We have a garland and lights on the mantle, and DH decorated the porch. Our friend who cleans put up the Christmas shower curtain. OH - I bought a new Santa soap dispenser, and I got out the Christmas window clings for the kids. I guess that was my contribution. DH bought me a beautiful Christmas floral arrangement for the dining room table. I let the kids put precut Pillsbury cookies on the pan and sprinkle them with colored sugar. DH wrapped 95% of the gifts this year. Really pathetic when I read blogs of people who spend all year preparing for the season, or so it seems.

Christmas morning I woke up with one of the worst headaches I can remember. It's a sinus headache that has hung on for 5 days now. I spent some time with an ice pack on my head. The kids opened gifts, ate breakfast and got ready for church. After the presents were open, Baby asked if that was it. Really? I think I've done my kids a disservice by spending what I do. Next year, I think they'll each get 3 presents and a stocking. Seriously.

DH and Little Boy got ready and left a little early to get some AV stuff set up for the service. Baby threw a little fit about tights, and I cried. I was tired, my head was pounding and I didn't want to fight with her.

Church was nice. I didn't have children's church; watching Baby take communion for the first time was sweet and special - almost like she and I were the only ones there. When she ate the "bread", she wrinkled up her nose and told me in a loud whisper, "It tastes like cardboard." lol And when we drank the juice, she told me it's yummy, like the kind we have at home.

We came home from church and walked next door. The kids opened their stockings and we ate lunch. After lunch, the kids opened their gifts. I kept looking at the pile of presents off to the side that were for DH and me. Which one held the featherbed I asked for? None of the boxes looked big enough. I opened several boxes of junk catalog junk. And that was it. No featherbed. I just wanted to cry. I was so looking forward to putting it on our bed. And I sat there and wondered what on earth to do with the junk in front of me, trying to smile with gratitude, trying to not look at the piles of toys and STUFF my kids had opened and I just wanted to crawl in bed and stay there for a couple days.

I can honestly say that December 26th is one of my favorite days of the year.

An Oldie, but Goodie!

I'm not sure if I posted this recipe on my blog; I may not have. But it is so yummy, and with the season changing, I would love to sit down with a huge serving and some fruit & gingersnaps!

Pumpkin Dip

Ingredients
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 (15 ounce) can solid pack pumpkin
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
1 teaspoon frozen orange juice concentrate

Directions
1.In a medium bowl, blend cream cheese and confectioners' sugar until smooth. Gradually mix in the pumpkin. Stir in the cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, and orange juice until smooth and well blended. Chill until serving.


Please note, this makes about 4 cups of dip!

I love to eat this with sliced pears or gingersnaps. You can use vanilla wafers, graham crackers, etc. Other fruit is yummy, too, but there's something about the combination of pumpkin and pear that is great. You can make a pretty presentation by serving this in a hollowed out sugar pumpkin.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

So Monday was not terrible. Except for the mean person from church who blasted me in an email. Apparently, the email was sent Saturday night, but for whatever reason it didn't show up until Monday. Probably a good thing.

We started back into schoolwork. We're starting up slowly. Baby is cruising through, and Little Boy has had some good days. I'm thinking we'll start adding subjects one at a time.

Monday night DH had a union dinner to go to, so our cleaning friend came over and watched the kids and ate supper with them. We had a good time; I talked to a lady whose son was diagnosed with leukemia 2 days after Little Boy was dx'd with Type 1 Diabetes. They were at the same hospital at the same time we were. She was really sweet, and we shared the feelings we went through. Her son finishes his chemo treatments in April.

Tuesday was a quietish day with Baby going to ballet in the evening. We went to Denny's like we usually do, and our cleaning friend was our waitress. Baby was thrilled.

Today we worked on school work, but I was definitely dragging. I've been up way too late the last couple nights. My lower legs are pounding already. I should go put them up.

Tomorrow's a whole new day. And Little Boy and I are going to therapy. Should be good.

Looking forward to Monday

It's been a hectic couple of days here. Friday morning our cleaning friend came over. God bless her. It's so nice to have help.

I got an email the other day with an attached spreadsheet. First, let me say that just because you put numbers and words into a spreadsheet, without headings on your columns, I have to guess what you're saying. I needed to stop by church yesterday morning to get the attendance and offering numbers for the bulletin. So I was able to see first hand what the spreadsheet was saying.

Instead of taking inventory of what we have received for putting together boxes for Operation Christmas Child, the people I asked to inventory the stuff went ahead and packed the boxes. I wanted to cry. And I was perturbed. We have very generous members, and have about 40 boxes of stuff. I knew there would be disappointment among some of the people who have been looking forward to having a packing party. And Baby cried. She wanted to pack a box. I was sad for her.

I came home and shared with my husband my feelings. I don't want to take away from the work those people did. That was a lot of work, and I know they thought it was easier to just pack the boxes. But it wasn't what I wanted. I sent an email (that I forwarded to our pastor) thanking them for all the work, but that I had not intended for them to actually pack the boxes. I shared that there is a joy one gets from hands-on ministry that we should make sure everyone gets to experience. And that "next time" we need to make sure we do that, especially for the children in our church who wanted to pack boxes.

When I mentioned it to the pastor today, he told me that when people came in on Wed. night, people right away assumed I had done it. That makes me a little sad. Now that he knows the truth, I hope he tells people.

So I got home and started lunch. DH mentioned that he needed to get going to work. I thought he had traded, and would be going out on last shift. I had not done the bulletins. Grr. He had arranged trades for this weekend, and he and the guy changed the days and I was confused. I wasn't about to go to the church at midnight to run bulletins, so they would have to wait until the morning.

Last night I was irked at family members who irk me pretty much all the time anyway. I won't go into details, but I was irked.

This morning I lolly-gagged around until I remembered the bulletins. aaaaaaahhhhhh Oh well. I haven't had any kids in my Sunday school class. I just needed to pray no one showed up so I could run off the bulletins. (That's sad.) This afternoon was the local JDRF walk. I picked out the kids clothes Saturday night. I made sure they had socks and shoes, a jacket, and then I found my own clothes. I had them all ready to go. We got out the door and realized Little Boy needed his "big" shot. We had to run back home. We were half-way to church and DH realized he had not brought his tennis shoes. bleh

It started raining. bleh bleh

We got to church, I ran the bulletins and all the other things I needed to do. I sat down upstairs and tried to get in the right frame of mind for church, but realized I didn't have my Bible. I taught children's church, and the whole time Little Boy kept mentioning that it was boring. Nice.

After church, I just wanted to gather everything and get home. We had planned to change at the church, go out to eat and then get to the walk on time. So now we had to run home, get lunch on the way, change clothes and drive all the way there. We stopped to get gas on the way, but all the pumps were full, and cars were waiting. So we went to another gas station. We got there at the time the walk was supposed to start. We got our shirts and changed. The walk was nice. Baby fussed about everything. The walk had brought in $5K so far. Very cool.

We got home, I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, we ate and then we went to church. And Baby was a complete brat. I had thought the other girl was teaching tonight. I checked the schedule real quick, and nope. It was supposed to be me. I grabbed a couple games. When I got there, the pastor encouraged me to keep the kids in the Bible study. There would be video clips. So I sat there with Baby throwing a fit just about the whole time. I was miserable; I just wanted to cry and then drag my kid out and beat her butt. I don't think I got much out of it.

And then the church lady came up and started complaining that everyone keeps asking her what they should do, and complaining that no one is getting involved and she has to do everything. I just had to get out of there.

Baby threw a fit all the way home. When we were getting in the car, she told me she had to pee. I told her she should have gone when we were in the church, and that now she could wait. I ended up turning up the CD so that I didn't have to hear her.

I think she's just become a complete brat, and I've about had it.

So I may be one of very few people who are looking forward to Monday.

Sad faces all around

My brother, sister-in-law and their 3 boys have been here for a couple days for a quick visit. Baby cried for a good half hour after they left. I felt like crying, but I held it in. But the kids played well together, and the adults had a nice visit.

September 11th

MY cleaning lady

So I humbled myself, and allowed my friend into our messy house. She's been so great; helping without criticism which is exactly what I needed. She even told me it wasn't that bad. I wanted to laugh out loud, because it is THAT bad. But we've cleaned the living room, dining room, kitchen, both kids' bedrooms and we're 2/3 done with the bathroom. She's definitely earning her pay. I have sorted through multiple piles of junk - papers, office supplies, bathroom stuff, JUNK - and we've filled a half dozen or so huge trash bags with trash. I have a couple piles and a box of things to sort through, and I'd be ok with company.

It's still raining; the grass is really getting green. But we're supposed to get between 6 and 10 inches in the next couple days. All I have to say is it's good to live on a mountain!

Rain

It started raining yesterday, and it's still raining. We have really needed rain. The grass is looking green again; it's so much nicer than looking at brown grass. But rain means 2 naughty, arguing children are cooped up in the house. And like most children, they feel the need to occupy the same 2 square feet of property. sigh So one is watching cartoons, and one is playing legos in a different room. It's the first time this morning there's been peace. Now if we could just find something other than Dora; that girl's voice gives a chalkboard a run for its money.

Where ya been?

My 2 readers might be asking that question. LOL

My husband was on vacation last week. We spent the week working at the church, trying to get things cleaned up and in order for the new pastor (who we still love, btw). DH and another man, along with the pastor, put in the new flooring in the offices. And then DH went back and did the thresholds and trimwork. And he went this week and helped the electrician run phone lines and electric to the office.

I am excited, impatient and exhausted when it comes to church. We have more kids coming on Sunday nights, and I want to go to church then, too. But while we have more kids coming, we have fewer people willing to help out with the nursery and with teaching kids' classes. So, I'm trying to be patient and hang in there a little longer. Last Sunday Pastor handed out surveys, hoping to find out what people would like to get involved in. I'm hoping there will be some pew-warmers who get off their... pew.

Baby had a birthday. She's 6 now. Wow. I tell her all the time that she needs to shrink. We had a party at the lake last week while Daddy could be there. I think she had a great time; she wanted a horse party. And she wanted a horse-head cake. She told me this like 2 days beforehand. I didn't have time to find a pan, and I wasn't up to freehanding it. I told her we'd do cupcakes for her lake party, and I'd make the other one for her actual day. Thankfully she was pacified.

Monday was her birthday. And I forgot that the preceding week when I made plans and commitments for this week. Oops. Monday morning, my friend Julie came over to help me clean. My house has gotten out of control. We cleaned Baby's room so she'd have a place to put her new presents. Love it.

After Julie left, I ran 40 minutes+ to get the kids signed up for homeschool for this year, and came home to decorate the cake I finished baking at 2:30 Monday morning. I got it done just as Daddy had to leave for work. And then I crashed. Until I woke up with horrible abdominal cramping. I ran to the bathroom, and while I was "going", I thought I was going to pass out or vomit. It was terrible. Between episodes I was lying on the bathroom floor.

Little Boy ran in the front door and hollered that Baby was going up the hill 3 houses to talk to the lady who lives there. He was all freaked out; I was so sick, and so mad. She knows better. The kids put on a little parade for the neighbor lady while I stood on the porch with my head on the railing. It was bad. I don't know if it was just stress? Bleh.

Today Julie came, and we cleaned our living room. I still have a couple of piles to deal with, but it looks really good. DH pitched in and helped, and the kids were in and out. Tomorrow we'll tackle the dining room. She's between jobs right now, so I am giving her money to help us. We'll do the kitchen next. That might take us into next week. And if she's still up for it, we can tackle the den, the basement, the garage, or my room? We'll see. We might go broke. LOL But I feel some of the depression lifting.

So, I hope to be back more often. Progress, just a little at a time.

Relief!

Our new pastor and his wife were at church yesterday. I've been teary for a couple days. It feels like I've been single-handedly keeping people on track. That is probably not the truth, but I know that few people even think ahead past Sunday dinner. But our pastor seems to really be "with it". Maybe I can relax my grip on the dashboard a bit.

Counting the Days

So it's been 10 months since our pastor resigned. I'm looking forward to August 7th like you wouldn't believe. But between now and then...

Tomorrow DH and I need to get the carpet fixed in my classroom before VBS starts on Wednesday. I need to get the rest of the flyers ready to go. I have CAUTION tape that I'm stapling to each one as a loop to hang from doors. Tuesday, the mission group is coming in. We have a meeting at 4, and then Wednesday VBS starts. From there, the week will fly. Next Sunday, the group that's coming is going to "run" the service. And the following Sunday our new pastor starts.

And then HE can stress about the logistics. Or whatever.

Tweet

"Churches rise no higher than the spiritual maturity of its men."

This is from our new pastor's twitter page.

I wonder if he's ready to teach kindergarten.

Permission?

If you've ever watched Dr. Phil for any length of time, he says all the time that we teach people how to treat us. So I'm wondering, if people act like idiots all the time, does that mean I can treat them like they're idiots?

Probably not, but in my smart aleck mind it kinda sounds right.

Our new pastor cannot come soon enough. DH has been struggling with his feelings about our church. He is tired of the morons - 3 of them in particular who call themselves "the leadership". "The leadership has decided...." I think they are going to have a little wake-up call when the pastor comes. He has shared with Mike that he feels like committee recommendations and congregation input are vital, especially at the beginning of his ministry here.

The next 3 weeks are too busy.

Anticipation

Or irritation.

The SS meeting tonight was ... interesting. The man leading the meeting spoke to us for about 15 minutes about teachers needing to be at church at least 5 minutes early. But then he danced all around the issue that one teacher who teaches in the church sanctuary needs to be sure to end on time. aaaaaaaargh

I told him after the meeting I wished he had just said what he didn't say but clearly wanted to say. He pretty much knew what I was talking about.

I also was ticked at some of the rude things that teacher said. Whenever he feels like someone is saying something negative about him, he lashes out with rude comments. (That's real mature.)

I was talking to the head deacon after the meeting about the VBS stuff I was sent. I wanted to make sure there weren't any issues beforehand so that things could be changed now if needed. This rude guy walks up and says, "Maybe you could make copies of these to give to the "leadership"." I wanted to say that as far as VBS goes, I AM the leadership, you big JERK. But I didn't. I said I could make copies of the daily schedule, but that it wasn't necessary to hand out copies of the the lesson synopses that they sent. He didn't say anything. I picked up the papers and put them in my purse. It's not that I feel good being snotty, but I've just had it.

I emailed the incoming pastor today. I recommended the CPA our last church used when I was the church treasurer. I copied the email to our current treasurer b/c I don't want anyone getting upset. But it's almost to the point of doing what I need to do and not worrying about who gets upset about what. I mentioned in my email that I've done accounting/payroll stuff in the past for a couple places I worked. I know there are people who do not know half of my job history who are going to just scoff. I half feel like I need to hand out my resume in order to get any kind of respect.

DH was mentioning that he feels like he doesn't get respect with his family or at church. That makes me pretty sad; he's got more insight and integrity in his little finger than some of them have had their whole lives. I just hope the pastor reads people for who they are. Poor guy.

Sunburn

I've been sitting at Little Boy's baseball camp. I've used sunscreen on my neck and arms, but forgot my face. I use foundation that has a small amount of sunscreen, but the sun has been really hot.

VBS is coming up. I got the signs today. They look good. I haven't heard back from the place at the main intersection down the street yet. I called and asked if we can hang a VBS sign on the fence. The business is actually closed, and the management company hasn't responded. It would be a great place to hang our sign.

There is so much to do and I'm not even in charge!

Our pastor's first Sunday is August 7th. I'm looking forward to it so much. Especially since I've about had it with people who can't figure out anything unless their hand is being held.

Tonight is the quarterly SS teachers' meeting. I really want to ask why we all have to end our class at 25 min before the hour, but the adult SS teacher doesn't quit until 20 or 15 min 'til.

My son has been a complete brat lately, and then Baby responds the same way. I seriously don't know what their problem is.

Sick and Tired and Depressed

So I started out depressed, and then started feeling sick, and now I'm tired, too. I stayed home from church this morning; it's the most peaceful nap I've had in a long time.

I guess sitting with your head in the toilet takes your mind off depressing things for at least a little while, huh?

3 am

It's 3 am and I should have been in bed hours ago. I did get a 2 hour nap - yesterday, now - but this late night is cancelling it out.

I have been dealing with a lot of spiritual things for some time. I realize that denominations serve a purpose. And I think it's easier to fellowship when you have like beliefs. But the reasons for separating completely from a group of believers are getting fewer. I don't think I'll ever be best friends with someone who is far from my doctrinal stand. But there are people in my denomination that are wicked. They are mean-spirited, and I think I Cor. 3 calls them carnal for glorying in their divisions.

I just needed to get that down on paper; maybe I can sleep now.

Here

That's about how I feel right now. "Here." I remember answering that when class role was called in college. I'm tired. Too many nights staying up too late. Something going on every day. And those are the easy days. Lately, it seems we've had multiple things going on each day.

I know our schedule is light compared to many people's schedule. But we really prefer to not run too much.

I haven't posted in some time. I got distracted during Diabetes Blog week, and never finished. Update on Little Boy's #s. Last night I had a ladies' meeting at Denny's. Little Boy and I talked about what he'd like to eat, I figured it up from the nutrition chart I downloaded. I gave him his shot to cover dinner, and last night before bed he checked. Over 300. bleh I had to give him a shot to correct, and at his 2 am check he was 130. DH told me and I vaguely remember holding up a thumb in my delirium.

I've been learning and thinking and questioning a lot lately. My new network of survivor friends on SFL have opened my eyes to many things I've questioned for years.

Baby had her ballet recital recently. She was adorable. And even though I stressed myself out both nights and had to run home - first night she left her shoes at home, and second night I left the big flash at home - she did a great job.

Admiring Our Differences

I think what I've learned and appreciate about reading the blogs of other T1 Moms is that my son's sugar is much more regulated than I thought. I read of kids dropping drastically without warning. My son's numbers are not always in the acceptable range, but rarely does his number surprise me. If it's low, it's when he hasn't eaten recently. If it's high, it's because he just came home from his grandparents' house. (Don't get me started.)
When I read the blogs of T2's I realize that they face the same problems and health issues as T1's, even though their "treatment" is easier/less painful. But I wonder if their control is less effective?

2nd Annual Diabetes Blog Week

My blog isn't specifically about my Type 1 Diabetic son. I was writing my blog before he was diagnosed. But occasionally our battle against this disease makes into my writing. I think most days I feel like I'm treading water or just going through the motions to keep us all afloat. There are days I can't think about it too much, because it just kills me.

Beginning tomorrow, for a week, my posts will be about Diabetes and our daily journey, specifically my son's trials.

Rollercoaster Ride

It's been awhile since I was on a real rollercoaster. I pushed myself to enjoy the ride above the fear in the pit of my stomach. This past weekend I had to do that same thing getting onto 4 different planes. All four planes "experienced turbulence." We had one landing that made me very nervous. I was very glad to see my friend Gina, and it was good to see her family. We ate and shopped, shopped and ate. And then ate some more. It was so nice to sit and talk to someone who knows me - knows what I've gone through - knows that once upon a time I wasn't this fat. Someone who shares history with me. And I think we didn't have enough time to get on each other's nerves. That makes the visit a success.

And now I'm home. And my kids didn't magically become angels, and the housework still exists. And our schedule didn't change. So it's like coming off the rollercoaster back into the daily grind. Which isn't a bad thing. It makes the rollercoaster ride a fond memory, and I get to spend time with my 3 favorite people in all the world. But it sure is nice that it's already bedtime for babies, as we say in our home. :)

Blocking

Well, I did it. I blocked someone on Facebook. It wasn't the first time, and I am sure it won't be the last time. But it was the first time I've blocked a sibling. I had to do it. I was feeling stressed anytime I saw her post anything. I don't want to offend her, but I can't worry about that. The anxiety she was causing made it necessary.

It's almost like she was following me around on FB friending anyone I had friended that she knew, too. So. Now I don't have to worry about it b/c I won't know.

And I'm dealing with enough anxiety right now. I leave Friday morning; I'll drive myself to Pittsburgh and park in extended parking for $8/day. That's definitely cheaper than DH driving me there and then picking me up next Tuesday. The thought of flying to the other end of the country by myself is starting to bother me. Baby is not doing well with the idea, either. She cries when I mention it. I don't talk to her about it to make her upset, but b/c she needs to know that I'm leaving (and coming back). She and Little Boy will do fine with Daddy.

I need to get to bed. I've been fighting a headache all day. It's weather, pollen or stress. Or all three combined.

Coloring Eggs

The kids are coloring eggs. I know it's fun. I loved coloring eggs when I was a kid. In fact, after they are done and in bed, I have a couple to color myself. But like all messy "crafts", I get freaked out about the possibility for an HUGE mess. I make the kids take off their clothes (except undies of course) and sit on the kitchen floor with the color cups on a sheet pan on top of newspaper.

Poor kids.

Sigh.

Easter really snuck up on me this year. I tried to get into it. I bought stuff for their baskets yesterday. And I got the last minute clothing necessities - little white cardigan and tights for Baby, new dress shirt for Little Boy... I am looking forward to being done with tomorrow. But I'm getting nervous for the end of the week when I go to WA.

I need to find the disc for my song for tomorrow. I'm going to run through it and see if I have enough voice to power through it. I've been taking Benadryl to dry up the drainage, and I may have saved my voice. We'll see.

Happy, Blessed Easter everyone!

PS - So the dye cups are still on the floor on trays. I need to move them so that I can dye my eggs. But Baby was trying to get into the kitchen. I asked her to not come into the kitchen. Twice. And then when she pushed past me, I raised my voice. She ran into the living room crying. "You just hurt my last feeling." I told her, "You've been on my last nerve, so now we're even!"

My husband was standing in the kitchen laughing.

We are so looking forward to her being a teenager.

NOT.

Baseball!

Reece's Rainbow

I found out about this organization that facilitates international adoptions of Down's Syndrome babies and babies with HIV. http://reecesrainbow.org/ I am drawn to it because of the desperation of each child's situation.

One family trying to adopt a little boy has been turned down by a R*ss*an judge. Not because there was anything wrong with the family. The judge has decided that they should adopt a child that is healthy. This child isn't worth it. My heart breaks. The family is appealing, but they are heartbroken. They had to leave their son and come back to the States.

Pray with me that God will intervene. That the judge will change her mind, or that God will replace the judge.

God knows, the family knows, I know, and you know that child is worth it. He is so worth it.

Things I would miss

if I was not homeschooling...

Baby standing on the couch, flapping her arms like a chicken dancing and singing along with the Bubble Guppies.

LOL

Peculiar?

Good news!

God does NOT want you to be a freak show!

Since I can remember, I've heard that we as Christians are to be a peculiar people. 10 times out of 10 it's been used in the context that God wants us to be different. In some cases it's been used to justify forcing standards on us that cause us to look weird in the world's eyes.

Ahem. Just last night in our Bible study, Pastor Dave talked about this. I didn't have the heart (or the nerve?) to correct him.

A couple weeks ago, I looked the word "peculiar" up in my big KJV. And then I looked at a couple different versions. And then I looked it up in the Strong's concordance. The meaning of the word peculiar in 1611 is not the same meaning as it carries now. When we think of something being peculiar, we think at best it's unique, and at worst we think it's freaky. But the word peculiar used to mean an object that should be treasured. God looks at us as a treasured possession!

Isn't that a relief! Doesn't that make more sense? He told us that people will know we're Christians by our ugly culottes super-short hair skirts that go to the ankle love for one another.

Pretty cool, I think.

Lemmings

This should probably be on my other blog, but I'm just going to vent here a little.

I get so tired of people who do not bother to think for themselves. I work very hard to not take what people say as gospel. That might sound cynical, but people don't always get things right. So I listen. And I research. And I ask questions from people I trust. And I research some more. And I make a decision based on those things. Like I said. I do not blindly believe what people say about issues or events. There is a very short list of people I'd consult.

Recently I found a blog that deals with many issues that I grew up with. And much of it I can relate to. But there is an air of bitterness there. People who were not allowed to think for themselves now follow the loudest bitter voice. I have plenty to question. I have plenty to re-examine. But I am a bit irritated at the moment.

I've come to the conclusion that lemmings are lemmings.

Lemmings don't care what cliff they're jumping off. They're happy to follow right over the edge.

Is it Monday yet?

Or at least Sunday afternoon?

I guess I'm a little impatient to get this vote thing over with. I was talking with someone last night (Baby's baseball coach's wife). I asked what she thought of the candidate we had in. She said she likes our interim pastor.

So I wonder what everyone else is thinking/feeling.

I honestly don't have a strong preference between the two. I think the candidate was def. more educated, and younger with more energy. I had to remind the lady that the interim had not put in for the job. But no matter what we do, I'll be ok. I just want it over with already.

Again

Here it is 4 am and I'm awake - again. I went to bed before 12 but woke up a couple hours ago with acid reflux problems. DH was up changing Little Boy's bedding. :( And Little Boy had to have a fairly big shot b/c his sugar was 357. I have to fax his numbers to the endo and get things straightened out.

About 10 years ago, I found a site and book that made me feel like I really wasn't crazy. I honestly think my mom has borderline personality disorder. When I read the posts and I read the book, it was like they had been living in my house.

Recently, I found a site that made me feel that way again. I find that I am a lot less "fundy" and probably a little bit "mental". lol But I read the blog and forum posts and it is like I grew up with these people. Or most of them, anyway. It is strangely comforting.

Well. I should try to get back to bed. I have a lot to do later today. Hopefully, I don't have to get up b/c of acid reflux again. Really unpleasant.

Lunch

It's been too long since I cooked. I've fixed meals - frozen or processed. But today I made these turkey burgers. My husband likes them better than homemade burgers from ground beef, and my picky children love them. Even Baby. I did adjust the measurements to 5 servings.

I've been trying Full Bars. I think I like them. I eat one 1/2 hour before my lunch or supper. I drink a glass of water. And then I eat supper. But I'm fairly full at the start, and I eat less. And I can go until the next mealtime without feeling hungry or needing to snack. The bars are puffed wheat, with protein powders and a chocolate sauce or peanut butter sauce.

They aren't yummy enough to tempt one to eat them outside of the necessary time. :) But they aren't so yucky as to make one not want to eat them, either. I only bought a couple boxes last week. They aren't cheap. But diet plans/foods aren't cheap. And they seem to be working for me.

So I'll give them a try and see what happens.

INSOMNIA

ugh. It's 5 am, and I'm just now feeling tired.

I don't know if it was the iced coffee I had (I think it was caffeine free, but I'm probably wrong) or the mini blizzard I ate tonight w/peanut butter cups in it.

Regardless, my leg pain kept me awake. And my finger. I hurt my middle finger on my right hand, and I am not sure how. The middle knuckle hurts when I lift things or hold things like a pitcher or milk jug or computer...

I don't know what to do. It doesn't hurt to type, but I can't bend it all the way. I will probably wait to see how it does.

I think I'll go crawl into bed...

It could be a very long day.

Rude men

who think they're funny make me mad.

A couple weeks ago I wrote about how a small group of men/people were talking when I came in on a Sunday night. The deacon's wife announced that she'd just be bold, and started asking me questions in a rude way.

Well, FF to this past Friday evening. A group of us met at church to clean up, and set up for the dinner to be held on Saturday night for the pastoral candidate and his family. I was in the bathroom cleaning, and the deacon (whose wife went after me) was saying we should do the basement floor that night. He was joking. The plan is to put garage floor paint on our basement floor, and it takes a while to set up. Someone asked if he had bought the stuff to do it. He said he hadn't; it needed to be brought up in the business meeting next week b/c it was above the $ amount set in the constitution. Then he jokingly said that he hadn't b/c no one had told him what color to buy. (Two colors had been discussed.)

This old guy who makes snotty comments about my husband and me says, "Besides. You'd better run it through the Ladies' Fellowship first anyway." I said from in the bathroom, "I heard that." I came out and looked at him, and said, "That was snotty." He laughed, "That's just my personality." I should have not responded; or I wish I had said something different. But I was mad. I told him it was my personality to confront. I wish I had told him that that was immature, or something else. I don't know. This guy sits on his butt and directs others, and then takes credit. And when he is given a responsibility, he drops the ball. Then later, a couple of the men were sitting down chatting. This guy said he was having a difficult time being excited about the weekend (the candidate coming.) I said from across the hall that maybe he needed to be praying that the Lord would give him an attitude adjustment. Our interim pastor laughed. But I feel like maybe HE was the one who should have been saying it.

Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?

I like them

I like the pastoral candidate and his wife. Now to see if the boy, I mean, man can preach. :)

Insulin, email and other things

So we got the shipment of Little Boy's Humalog last week (or the week before, I can't remember). But when DH opened it, it didn't seem as cold as it should have. He called the insurance company, who recommended we try it and see if there were any problems.

When it came time to open a new vial, DH decided to use the newer, "warm" insulin. And we've had high numbers. So today his lunch number was in the 290s and I opened another vial - an older one. Now we're interested to see what his number is tonight.

I tried to get into my email today. The company has merged a couple services, and since mine is a sub-account something happened and I can't get into it. I need to get a phone number, to call a place that hasn't shipped a case of alcohol wipes that I ordered in January?

It's snowing here. Again. "It's Spring!" ha! "April Fool's!" Little Boy's ball practice has been cancelled. He's supposed to have practice Tuesday night. Unless it snows.

Baby fell off her chair at lunch. This is like her 3rd crash/wipe-out in as many days. She and Little Boy were jumping on her bed yesterday, and she fell off the bed and landed on her back. She's still complaining that it aches. Back to the chair. I told her that that wouldn't have happened if she had been sitting correctly. That I've never seen someone sitting correctly in their chair just fly across the room. She laughed and then went back to crying.

Little Boy still hates school. But today a book came in the mail. "Mud!" We looked at the pictures and tried to figure out what was happening. Then he read it. And laughed. And finished by saying, "That was an easy book." I'm hoping that if I can find some more easy books that make him laugh he'll keep it up.

April 1st

I tried to explain April Fool's Day to my 5 and 7 year olds. They don't get it. We're not much into playing jokes on each other here.

It's been a busy week, and it's going to continue right on through the weekend.

Yesterday was haircuts for all of us, and last night I took Baby to ballet and out to eat while Daddy and Little Boy went to get their haircuts.

Tonight is cleaning and setting up at the church for the dinner tomorrow night. I'll take Baby with me while Daddy takes Little Boy to his first baseball practice. Maybe. It's been so cold, they've cancelled the last two practices b/c of snow.

Tomorrow Daddy meets with the pulpit committee and the candidate, and in the evening we have the dinner. I also have to get the bulletin done.

Sunday is church. SS, AM and PM. I'm just glad it's Daddy's long weekend off and he'll be there to help me out and to lead the service. And I'm thankful Tina will be there to teach children's church so I will get to be in the service for the message.

Monday is recuperation day.

March - Days 30 & 31

Yesterday's challenge - your favorite song. I don't know that I have an all-time favorite. But this is the song I can't get enough of right now. "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless. I get chills when the drummer plays the first shimmery sound on the cymbal.



Today's challenge - the best thing about being me.

The best thing about being me would have to be being married to my husband and loving on our two children. They all are the answer to many prayers when I was single and lonely, and God gave me everything I asked for and more.