Can you ever have too much

bacon? I had a couple packages that were close to the expiration date, so I baked them in the oven. It seemed the quickest way. It made a big splattery mess in the oven, so now the oven is cleaning. I ate too many pieces. It's a good thing I'm doing Atkins. I'm sure the high fat content isn't healthy, but it's all protein/no carbs. I finally had to grab some gum.

I tried my jeans on today. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I was impatient. When I started, I could barely button and zip them. I had them on for about 15 minutes, and I couldn't stand it. I got them on, buttoned, and zipped them. They were ok. Still a little snug, but I could probably wear them for a couple hours and be ok. I'm a little disappointed. I guess I was hoping they'd be looser. Another week or so and I'm hoping they fit correctly. And then hoping in another couple weeks they will be too big. I know I can do this. I just have to not get discouraged. And I should probably lay off the bacon. lol

We stayed home

from church today. It's been awhile since we've done that.

Little Boy and I were both feeling sick. Baby was very unhappy.

Today they had a dinner after the service, so they were upset to miss it. And it was the men's chili cookoff; Little Boy made chili. He was so sure he would win. Baby felt left out, so I let her help me make sandwiches. Looks like we'll be eating chili and sandwiches for awhile.

I have stuck to my diet. Atkins sells treats that are less than 5 net grams of carbs, so I might have one in the morning or afternoon, or both, and not feel guilty. I figure I've cut my carb intake by 75% since I've quit snacking and am only eating one meal. My "fat pants" are getting loose. :) Yay. I'm going to wait until Wednesday to try my jeans on. I am not tired of the shakes yet. I bought enough for the next couple weeks as an added incentive to keep it up. I seriously would like to lose 50 lb by summer. I know to do that I need to increase my activity level. So my goal is to start on the treadmill soon. I know that's procrastinating, but I need to work up to it. LOL

And I am really striving to get the kids' school stuff into a routine. The folders are still working really well.

This is going to be a busy week for us, so if I don't start on the treadmill this week I am not going to beat myself up. One thing my therapist has told me is that I am too hard on myself. I feel like many of my problems are a result of not being hard enough on myself. oh well.

Anatomy

Baby got several model horses for Christmas. They're fairly anatomically correct. ahem. She asked why the boy horse has a triangle and not a penis. So I explained that when they pee, it comes out, and when they are done it goes back up for protection. I just said it as expressionless as I could. Both laughed. I also explained that the size is proportionate to their body. I don't want them to be freaked out if they ever see it in real life, I guess. Little Boy laughed. "It must be really big! Mine is little, but I can pee alot!" I tried to not laugh; I figured they would not find it so funny or worth repeating.

Tonight DH and I were watching the news; Baby climbed up on me and asked, "How do you love a boy without being grossed out?"

DH and I both had a good laugh.

Perfect Portions Scale giveaway :)

Wouldn't this be awesome since I have to weigh and measure everything Little Boy eats?

I was wrong

The homework folders worked great again. I think I need to cut down on the handwriting pages for Baby. That seems to be the thing she balks at the most. She definitely needs to practice, but maybe I can take out one page.

Little Boy and I were reading Calvin and Hobbes together, and he started to really struggle. When he starts to struggle with simple words, he goes downhill very quickly. So I read the rest of the strip, and he only laughed a little. I made him go check his blood sugar. 58. Reading done for the day. :( I got his sugar back up, and fixed lunch.

It's such a beautiful day here. 48, sunny, breezy. I made him go outside. We're just going to let it go until tomorrow.

While I was fixing the kids folders this morning, I let them decorate for Valentine's Day. It's probably the first time in a couple years that I've even made the effort. They keep saying how nice it looks, but Baby especially can't understand that the holiday isn't tomorrow.

My diet continues to be do-able. I have a terrible habit of snacking while I fix the kids' plates. I'll put a serving of chips on one plate, eat some, put the other serving on the plate, and eat some more before closing up the bag. I do it without even knowing it. I'm trying to be way more conscious of that. Today I ate two tiny corn chips and closed the bag. I can't even tell you how great I feel that I didn't eat two handfuls. :)

I feel like I'm losing, but I didn't measure at the start so I'm not certain. Maybe I'll try my jeans on at the end of the week and see.

Weight

I think I'm starting to feel like I've lost some weight, which is always encouraging.

The kids did so well with their schoolwork today; I'll bet tomorrow will be horrible to make up for it.

Little Boy still struggles to read. He transposes lower case B and D constantly. We've been reading a Calvin and Hobbes book together. The author writes everything in upper case print, and it's nice to see LB not struggle with that issue. I noticed today that he remembered a couple of the words after he sounded them out the first time. Something else he struggles with.

Baby's biggest struggle seems to be stamina. LOL

Our friend didn't make it here last Friday to clean so she came tonight. What a blessing. Our house goes from disaster to spiffy faster than I could ever do it.

My left heel has been hurting - the part I step on. I've been wearing shoes with Dr. Scholls inserts; it really helps. But after I sit for awhile and stand up, I look like a cripple. Just another reason to lose weight. sigh

Still hanging in there

I haven't held myself strictly to a "diet". I'm replacing two meals, but today I forgot and ate lunch and supper. And I'm ok with that. I'll just skip any snacks tonight and start up again tomorrow.

It sleeted here last night. Everything is covered with snowy ice about 3 inches thick. DH shoveled the driveway. Little Boy helped his granddad clear their driveway. I came out to call the kids in for their naps, and Little Boy was driving the big tractor; plowing the driveway. I watched as he drove slowly down the driveway onto the ROAD. I couldn't watch. I came in and told DH. I don't think he's ready to be driving a huge tractor on steep, icy, blacktop driveways into the STREET.

We'll have to go to church a little early tomorrow morning so I can copy and fold the bulletin. I didn't want to drive in this weather, and DH was writing a paper for school and couldn't drive me over there.

Another lesson learned the hard way

I bought some Atkins snack bars. They are ok if you don't think about the texture while you're eating them. Think Reese's PB filling packed very solidly with fiber.

But clearly they have LOTS of caffeine in them, as I spent yet another restless night on the couch.

I know I seriously could lose 100 lbs. But we don't have a scale, so I don't even know how much I weigh. Which is fine because I think I'd be too depressed. My goal really isn't to lose a specific amount of weight. My first goal is for my jeans that barely buttoned a couple weeks ago to be too big. I tried them on the other day; they buttoned but aren't comfortable yet.

Day 7

I've made it this far, and it hasn't been easy. But it hasn't been impossible, either.

I do need to make a run to get more Atkins shakes.

I slept in this morning; I think I sleep more soundly between 9 and 11 am. sick

I am dreading kids' lessons tonight. I could do with a couple more days before going to the church. Oh well.

Is there something written on my forehead?

If there is, it could say any number of things: Ignore me. I'm incompetent. Offend me first.

Seriously?

dang

sigh

I wonder how long until I notice any results from changing my eating habits. Half makes me wish we had a scale. Only HALF - or less.

Definitely been chewing more gum. ha

Glad the kids agreed to go outside. They didn't want to take naps, so I had them play quietly for an hour in their beds. Yeah, right.

It's Day 4

So. I haven't thrown in the towel, but I did have a couple chocolate covered coffee beans today. :) DH bought some online; I think we could easily become addicted.

My kids have been acting horribly to each other. It's sassy words, hands on each other, disrespectful tones of voice. Ugh. I just want to put them in bed, but they have to get their showers.

I had my shake for breakfast and lunch, and so far I've had a white grapefruit for supper. I'll need to eat something else, but not too many savory things do well following up citrus.

I am surprised that I don't get hungry after the shakes. It's not like they are thick or large. I can feel my energy run down and then my blood sugar goes lower when I'm about 3 hours out. But not hungry.

I talked with our pastor for awhile today at church. Can't say it enough how great it is to have a pastor who has been in the middle of fundydom and survived to see things from a grace-based perspective.

The kids weren't happy to go to church with me tonight; I had to run and fold the bulletins. But I had my reasons. I have some things to do tonight before bedtime. Gotta go.

Day 3 still

It's 2 pm. The kids have needed a nap since 9 am. Not joking. Little Boy fought me all morning with his schoolwork. Baby was distracted and wrote ALL her numbers and some of her letters backwards. "I'm a lefty, Mommy!" By the time lunch came around, I was exhausted. I fixed their lunches, and endured their noisy lunch. It was nice to pull out a shake and be done.

DH leaves for work in about 15 minutes, and the kids are going to bed! I'll have an hour and a half to myself!

My friend who cleans was here today. She got a phone call from her mom, and she started crying and screaming. Her older brother has been sick for a long time, and he died this morning. He lived in California. All I could do was hug her and shoo the kids away. By the time she left she had calmed down.

Little Boy is practicing the piano. I am happy that they are still interested. Hoping their perseverance wears off on me. :-/

Day 3

Before I was even fully awake, I resisted temptation. :) My friend who cleans on Friday called to see if I wanted breakfast from McDonald's. My first thought was, "YES!" And then I remembered. :( I had my Caramel Shake.

Day 2

-100 lb diet - So I made it yesterday without any problems. I had a rice "salad" - brown rice, a very tiny sprinkle of cheese, bacon bits & tomato. I still felt a little hungry, so I nuked a very small potato and spread a thin layer of light sour cream on it. I had a single serving bag of popcorn last night while watching Revenge.

This morning I had a Mocha Latte Shake. Caramel is still my favorite. We ate "supper" for lunch since DH is working 2nd shift. I had pork roast, a salad and a very small potato w/sour cream and bacon bits. I'll have my second shake meal for supper, and popcorn for a snack while I watch my shows. Thursday nights are good TV here. Bones, Project Runway, The Finder (new show - spin-off from Bones!) and The Mentalist. LOVE Patrick Jane's hair, btw. I keep asking Mike if his hair could curl like his. LOL

Baby asked me this morning if I have lost any weight yet. I looked at my husband. He looked amused; I told her, "Yes. I peed." He almost choked. She patted my stomach and said she couldn't tell. Thanks.

The kids started their piano lessons last night. Both are excited; both wanted to practice this morning before 8 am. ugh Little Boy is catching on; Baby has started to say it's too hard. Could have something to do with me yelling for her to turn off the metronome and to stick to the notes she's supposed to practice. lol I found the perfect messenger bags for the kids online today. I looked for about a half an hour; glad I kept looking. The bags were $7 (before shipping).

We've been dealing with some attitude and tone-of-voice issues with her. She seriously acts like she's 13. great.

Little Boy's sugar seems to be leveled out for now. It always seems to go best when he doesn't snitch.

Day 1

So I've started. Again. And I'm sure it won't be the last time. But I've started my diet.
I know that healthy eating and regular exercise are the best way to lose weight. I know that I need to reduce my caloric intake. I probably know as much about losing weight as any nutritionist. But I know myself. I know that when I fix lunch for the kids, I need something quick and easy to fix for myself. I know that late afternoon and evening are my snacky times.

I also know that I need to lose about 100 lbs. to be happy with my weight. So while replacing two meals a day might be extreme for someone wanting to drop 20 or 30 lbs., I don't think it's an extreme place to start.

So. Here's my "plan". At least for now. An Atkins "shake" for breakfast and lunch. 1/2 a grapefruit halfway through the morning and afternoon. An attempt at a normal supper. And popcorn for a nighttime snack.

So I'm halfway through Day 1. I had a Cafe Caramel Latte Shake for breakfast. It is made with real coffee, which will help with my weaning off Diet Coke. About 3 hours later, even though I wasn't hungry yet, I could feel my blood sugar dropping. So I ate half a white grapefruit. For lunch I had a Milk Chocolate Delight Shake. I have to say, I really liked the Caramel Latte shake. The Milk Chocolate shake left me with that diet chocolate shake aftertaste. So, I know which one I won't be getting next time.

I haven't weighed myself. For one, we don't own a scale. For two, I'd prefer to measure by how my clothes fit or don't fit. My "fat" jeans are tight on me, and when they are too big on me I'll consider that my first met-goal.

A Baby funny: I opened her applesauce for her today. It's the little squeeze pouch kind. She took the cap off and asked, "Do I suck?" It just struck me funny. ;-)

Sunday

Our Sundays are rarely peaceful. We get up, eat, scramble to get dressed and out the door. I'm usually ripping something off the printer last minute, and trying to remind myself of whatever I'm forgetting. Daddy and Little Boy left first - RARE. Baby and I were ready to go, and I wanted to take her picture. She looked so cute. I don't remember ever thinking I looked as cute as she looked.

How do I keep from spoiling her and making her proud of her looks? I keep telling her she's the cutest little girl when she's sweet. I don't know if that's enough.

ANYway. I was searching all over for the camera so I could get a couple pictures. I'll post one after I load it onto the desktop computer.

The church service seemed disjointed this morning. I taught children's church today; my story was too short, my craft was too simple, and I couldn't find a coloring picture I liked. :( We filled the time with some songs, and besides Baby's little hissy fit, we were good.

Baby and I got McD's on the way home. Baby decided she didn't want McDonald's food. I told her her other option was soup. She chose soup. The kids went next door for an hour, came home and got into bed. I asked Baby if Grandma had complimented her cute hair-do. Nope.

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Daddy went to church tonight. I stayed home with the kids. Before the service, I got cornered and one lady wanted to know who wanted to change our meeting night - it wasn't a kind inquiry, more like an inquisition. She backed off when I told her it worked better for the pastor's wife. Then, in the five minutes we had to "greet people", that same lady told me her weekly sob story, and another lady tried to walk past me w/o looking at me. I just don't get it.

So I felt like staying home. It's too stressful. That's sad.

Baby has 5 wiggly teeth. Last night when she was gnawing on a chicken leg, one of her loose teeth bent forward and stayed there. Many tears followed, but she didn't want anyone to touch it. I told her it would probably go back into place while she slept. It didn't. Her teeth look so snaggly, I can't help but laugh. Poor pumpkin.

One of my favorites

My Shadow
Robert Louis Stevenson

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow--
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,
And he sometimes goes so little that there's none of him at all.

He hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close behind me, he's a coward you can see;
I'd think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

Sadly, I think this headache I can't shake has become like my shadow. I think I may be back to being addicted to caffeine.

Homeschool Review

Tomorrow I need to take a sample of the kids' work and my grade book and planner to the Homeschool group. I've started making xerox copies of the work so I don't have to wait while they make copies on their little desktop copy machine. So I'll run to church today and make some copies. Then I have to finish filling in some stuff on the planner and gradebook, and I need to find the kids' report cards. I got them when I registered the kids, and I put them where I knew I could find them. ugh. Why do I do that to myself?

I stress myself out over this every time. I'll be glad to be done.