Is there something written on my forehead?

If there is, it could say any number of things: Ignore me. I'm incompetent. Offend me first.

Seriously?

dang

sigh

I wonder how long until I notice any results from changing my eating habits. Half makes me wish we had a scale. Only HALF - or less.

Definitely been chewing more gum. ha

Glad the kids agreed to go outside. They didn't want to take naps, so I had them play quietly for an hour in their beds. Yeah, right.

It's Day 4

So. I haven't thrown in the towel, but I did have a couple chocolate covered coffee beans today. :) DH bought some online; I think we could easily become addicted.

My kids have been acting horribly to each other. It's sassy words, hands on each other, disrespectful tones of voice. Ugh. I just want to put them in bed, but they have to get their showers.

I had my shake for breakfast and lunch, and so far I've had a white grapefruit for supper. I'll need to eat something else, but not too many savory things do well following up citrus.

I am surprised that I don't get hungry after the shakes. It's not like they are thick or large. I can feel my energy run down and then my blood sugar goes lower when I'm about 3 hours out. But not hungry.

I talked with our pastor for awhile today at church. Can't say it enough how great it is to have a pastor who has been in the middle of fundydom and survived to see things from a grace-based perspective.

The kids weren't happy to go to church with me tonight; I had to run and fold the bulletins. But I had my reasons. I have some things to do tonight before bedtime. Gotta go.

Day 3 still

It's 2 pm. The kids have needed a nap since 9 am. Not joking. Little Boy fought me all morning with his schoolwork. Baby was distracted and wrote ALL her numbers and some of her letters backwards. "I'm a lefty, Mommy!" By the time lunch came around, I was exhausted. I fixed their lunches, and endured their noisy lunch. It was nice to pull out a shake and be done.

DH leaves for work in about 15 minutes, and the kids are going to bed! I'll have an hour and a half to myself!

My friend who cleans was here today. She got a phone call from her mom, and she started crying and screaming. Her older brother has been sick for a long time, and he died this morning. He lived in California. All I could do was hug her and shoo the kids away. By the time she left she had calmed down.

Little Boy is practicing the piano. I am happy that they are still interested. Hoping their perseverance wears off on me. :-/

Day 3

Before I was even fully awake, I resisted temptation. :) My friend who cleans on Friday called to see if I wanted breakfast from McDonald's. My first thought was, "YES!" And then I remembered. :( I had my Caramel Shake.

Day 2

-100 lb diet - So I made it yesterday without any problems. I had a rice "salad" - brown rice, a very tiny sprinkle of cheese, bacon bits & tomato. I still felt a little hungry, so I nuked a very small potato and spread a thin layer of light sour cream on it. I had a single serving bag of popcorn last night while watching Revenge.

This morning I had a Mocha Latte Shake. Caramel is still my favorite. We ate "supper" for lunch since DH is working 2nd shift. I had pork roast, a salad and a very small potato w/sour cream and bacon bits. I'll have my second shake meal for supper, and popcorn for a snack while I watch my shows. Thursday nights are good TV here. Bones, Project Runway, The Finder (new show - spin-off from Bones!) and The Mentalist. LOVE Patrick Jane's hair, btw. I keep asking Mike if his hair could curl like his. LOL

Baby asked me this morning if I have lost any weight yet. I looked at my husband. He looked amused; I told her, "Yes. I peed." He almost choked. She patted my stomach and said she couldn't tell. Thanks.

The kids started their piano lessons last night. Both are excited; both wanted to practice this morning before 8 am. ugh Little Boy is catching on; Baby has started to say it's too hard. Could have something to do with me yelling for her to turn off the metronome and to stick to the notes she's supposed to practice. lol I found the perfect messenger bags for the kids online today. I looked for about a half an hour; glad I kept looking. The bags were $7 (before shipping).

We've been dealing with some attitude and tone-of-voice issues with her. She seriously acts like she's 13. great.

Little Boy's sugar seems to be leveled out for now. It always seems to go best when he doesn't snitch.

Day 1

So I've started. Again. And I'm sure it won't be the last time. But I've started my diet.
I know that healthy eating and regular exercise are the best way to lose weight. I know that I need to reduce my caloric intake. I probably know as much about losing weight as any nutritionist. But I know myself. I know that when I fix lunch for the kids, I need something quick and easy to fix for myself. I know that late afternoon and evening are my snacky times.

I also know that I need to lose about 100 lbs. to be happy with my weight. So while replacing two meals a day might be extreme for someone wanting to drop 20 or 30 lbs., I don't think it's an extreme place to start.

So. Here's my "plan". At least for now. An Atkins "shake" for breakfast and lunch. 1/2 a grapefruit halfway through the morning and afternoon. An attempt at a normal supper. And popcorn for a nighttime snack.

So I'm halfway through Day 1. I had a Cafe Caramel Latte Shake for breakfast. It is made with real coffee, which will help with my weaning off Diet Coke. About 3 hours later, even though I wasn't hungry yet, I could feel my blood sugar dropping. So I ate half a white grapefruit. For lunch I had a Milk Chocolate Delight Shake. I have to say, I really liked the Caramel Latte shake. The Milk Chocolate shake left me with that diet chocolate shake aftertaste. So, I know which one I won't be getting next time.

I haven't weighed myself. For one, we don't own a scale. For two, I'd prefer to measure by how my clothes fit or don't fit. My "fat" jeans are tight on me, and when they are too big on me I'll consider that my first met-goal.

A Baby funny: I opened her applesauce for her today. It's the little squeeze pouch kind. She took the cap off and asked, "Do I suck?" It just struck me funny. ;-)

Sunday

Our Sundays are rarely peaceful. We get up, eat, scramble to get dressed and out the door. I'm usually ripping something off the printer last minute, and trying to remind myself of whatever I'm forgetting. Daddy and Little Boy left first - RARE. Baby and I were ready to go, and I wanted to take her picture. She looked so cute. I don't remember ever thinking I looked as cute as she looked.

How do I keep from spoiling her and making her proud of her looks? I keep telling her she's the cutest little girl when she's sweet. I don't know if that's enough.

ANYway. I was searching all over for the camera so I could get a couple pictures. I'll post one after I load it onto the desktop computer.

The church service seemed disjointed this morning. I taught children's church today; my story was too short, my craft was too simple, and I couldn't find a coloring picture I liked. :( We filled the time with some songs, and besides Baby's little hissy fit, we were good.

Baby and I got McD's on the way home. Baby decided she didn't want McDonald's food. I told her her other option was soup. She chose soup. The kids went next door for an hour, came home and got into bed. I asked Baby if Grandma had complimented her cute hair-do. Nope.

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Daddy went to church tonight. I stayed home with the kids. Before the service, I got cornered and one lady wanted to know who wanted to change our meeting night - it wasn't a kind inquiry, more like an inquisition. She backed off when I told her it worked better for the pastor's wife. Then, in the five minutes we had to "greet people", that same lady told me her weekly sob story, and another lady tried to walk past me w/o looking at me. I just don't get it.

So I felt like staying home. It's too stressful. That's sad.

Baby has 5 wiggly teeth. Last night when she was gnawing on a chicken leg, one of her loose teeth bent forward and stayed there. Many tears followed, but she didn't want anyone to touch it. I told her it would probably go back into place while she slept. It didn't. Her teeth look so snaggly, I can't help but laugh. Poor pumpkin.

One of my favorites

My Shadow
Robert Louis Stevenson

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow--
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,
And he sometimes goes so little that there's none of him at all.

He hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close behind me, he's a coward you can see;
I'd think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

Sadly, I think this headache I can't shake has become like my shadow. I think I may be back to being addicted to caffeine.

Homeschool Review

Tomorrow I need to take a sample of the kids' work and my grade book and planner to the Homeschool group. I've started making xerox copies of the work so I don't have to wait while they make copies on their little desktop copy machine. So I'll run to church today and make some copies. Then I have to finish filling in some stuff on the planner and gradebook, and I need to find the kids' report cards. I got them when I registered the kids, and I put them where I knew I could find them. ugh. Why do I do that to myself?

I stress myself out over this every time. I'll be glad to be done.

Wow - where have I been?

I don't really know the answer to that. I guess going through the motions of the holidays. Thanksgiving is just a blur. We went to the in-laws and had roasted chicken. It's like anticipating steak, and being given a teensy, weensy burger with no toppings. So I had a free turkey I got with my store card bonus points, and I planned to cook it that weekend. It was still frozen - 6 days in the fridge and it was icy. So I made it on Monday. It was good, and we used up all the leftovers from Thanksgiving day. I fixed gravy out of a jar, and my snotty son thought it was wonderful until he learned it wasn't homemade. Whatever. Gravy is one of those things I've never cared for, and I don't really feel the need to learn how to fix it.

Christmas. I endure it for the sake of my children. DH brought the tree and decorations down, and the kids decorated it. DH hung a couple ornaments at the top and put up the star. We have a garland and lights on the mantle, and DH decorated the porch. Our friend who cleans put up the Christmas shower curtain. OH - I bought a new Santa soap dispenser, and I got out the Christmas window clings for the kids. I guess that was my contribution. DH bought me a beautiful Christmas floral arrangement for the dining room table. I let the kids put precut Pillsbury cookies on the pan and sprinkle them with colored sugar. DH wrapped 95% of the gifts this year. Really pathetic when I read blogs of people who spend all year preparing for the season, or so it seems.

Christmas morning I woke up with one of the worst headaches I can remember. It's a sinus headache that has hung on for 5 days now. I spent some time with an ice pack on my head. The kids opened gifts, ate breakfast and got ready for church. After the presents were open, Baby asked if that was it. Really? I think I've done my kids a disservice by spending what I do. Next year, I think they'll each get 3 presents and a stocking. Seriously.

DH and Little Boy got ready and left a little early to get some AV stuff set up for the service. Baby threw a little fit about tights, and I cried. I was tired, my head was pounding and I didn't want to fight with her.

Church was nice. I didn't have children's church; watching Baby take communion for the first time was sweet and special - almost like she and I were the only ones there. When she ate the "bread", she wrinkled up her nose and told me in a loud whisper, "It tastes like cardboard." lol And when we drank the juice, she told me it's yummy, like the kind we have at home.

We came home from church and walked next door. The kids opened their stockings and we ate lunch. After lunch, the kids opened their gifts. I kept looking at the pile of presents off to the side that were for DH and me. Which one held the featherbed I asked for? None of the boxes looked big enough. I opened several boxes of junk catalog junk. And that was it. No featherbed. I just wanted to cry. I was so looking forward to putting it on our bed. And I sat there and wondered what on earth to do with the junk in front of me, trying to smile with gratitude, trying to not look at the piles of toys and STUFF my kids had opened and I just wanted to crawl in bed and stay there for a couple days.

I can honestly say that December 26th is one of my favorite days of the year.

An Oldie, but Goodie!

I'm not sure if I posted this recipe on my blog; I may not have. But it is so yummy, and with the season changing, I would love to sit down with a huge serving and some fruit & gingersnaps!

Pumpkin Dip

Ingredients
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 (15 ounce) can solid pack pumpkin
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
1 teaspoon frozen orange juice concentrate

Directions
1.In a medium bowl, blend cream cheese and confectioners' sugar until smooth. Gradually mix in the pumpkin. Stir in the cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, and orange juice until smooth and well blended. Chill until serving.


Please note, this makes about 4 cups of dip!

I love to eat this with sliced pears or gingersnaps. You can use vanilla wafers, graham crackers, etc. Other fruit is yummy, too, but there's something about the combination of pumpkin and pear that is great. You can make a pretty presentation by serving this in a hollowed out sugar pumpkin.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

So Monday was not terrible. Except for the mean person from church who blasted me in an email. Apparently, the email was sent Saturday night, but for whatever reason it didn't show up until Monday. Probably a good thing.

We started back into schoolwork. We're starting up slowly. Baby is cruising through, and Little Boy has had some good days. I'm thinking we'll start adding subjects one at a time.

Monday night DH had a union dinner to go to, so our cleaning friend came over and watched the kids and ate supper with them. We had a good time; I talked to a lady whose son was diagnosed with leukemia 2 days after Little Boy was dx'd with Type 1 Diabetes. They were at the same hospital at the same time we were. She was really sweet, and we shared the feelings we went through. Her son finishes his chemo treatments in April.

Tuesday was a quietish day with Baby going to ballet in the evening. We went to Denny's like we usually do, and our cleaning friend was our waitress. Baby was thrilled.

Today we worked on school work, but I was definitely dragging. I've been up way too late the last couple nights. My lower legs are pounding already. I should go put them up.

Tomorrow's a whole new day. And Little Boy and I are going to therapy. Should be good.

Looking forward to Monday

It's been a hectic couple of days here. Friday morning our cleaning friend came over. God bless her. It's so nice to have help.

I got an email the other day with an attached spreadsheet. First, let me say that just because you put numbers and words into a spreadsheet, without headings on your columns, I have to guess what you're saying. I needed to stop by church yesterday morning to get the attendance and offering numbers for the bulletin. So I was able to see first hand what the spreadsheet was saying.

Instead of taking inventory of what we have received for putting together boxes for Operation Christmas Child, the people I asked to inventory the stuff went ahead and packed the boxes. I wanted to cry. And I was perturbed. We have very generous members, and have about 40 boxes of stuff. I knew there would be disappointment among some of the people who have been looking forward to having a packing party. And Baby cried. She wanted to pack a box. I was sad for her.

I came home and shared with my husband my feelings. I don't want to take away from the work those people did. That was a lot of work, and I know they thought it was easier to just pack the boxes. But it wasn't what I wanted. I sent an email (that I forwarded to our pastor) thanking them for all the work, but that I had not intended for them to actually pack the boxes. I shared that there is a joy one gets from hands-on ministry that we should make sure everyone gets to experience. And that "next time" we need to make sure we do that, especially for the children in our church who wanted to pack boxes.

When I mentioned it to the pastor today, he told me that when people came in on Wed. night, people right away assumed I had done it. That makes me a little sad. Now that he knows the truth, I hope he tells people.

So I got home and started lunch. DH mentioned that he needed to get going to work. I thought he had traded, and would be going out on last shift. I had not done the bulletins. Grr. He had arranged trades for this weekend, and he and the guy changed the days and I was confused. I wasn't about to go to the church at midnight to run bulletins, so they would have to wait until the morning.

Last night I was irked at family members who irk me pretty much all the time anyway. I won't go into details, but I was irked.

This morning I lolly-gagged around until I remembered the bulletins. aaaaaaahhhhhh Oh well. I haven't had any kids in my Sunday school class. I just needed to pray no one showed up so I could run off the bulletins. (That's sad.) This afternoon was the local JDRF walk. I picked out the kids clothes Saturday night. I made sure they had socks and shoes, a jacket, and then I found my own clothes. I had them all ready to go. We got out the door and realized Little Boy needed his "big" shot. We had to run back home. We were half-way to church and DH realized he had not brought his tennis shoes. bleh

It started raining. bleh bleh

We got to church, I ran the bulletins and all the other things I needed to do. I sat down upstairs and tried to get in the right frame of mind for church, but realized I didn't have my Bible. I taught children's church, and the whole time Little Boy kept mentioning that it was boring. Nice.

After church, I just wanted to gather everything and get home. We had planned to change at the church, go out to eat and then get to the walk on time. So now we had to run home, get lunch on the way, change clothes and drive all the way there. We stopped to get gas on the way, but all the pumps were full, and cars were waiting. So we went to another gas station. We got there at the time the walk was supposed to start. We got our shirts and changed. The walk was nice. Baby fussed about everything. The walk had brought in $5K so far. Very cool.

We got home, I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, we ate and then we went to church. And Baby was a complete brat. I had thought the other girl was teaching tonight. I checked the schedule real quick, and nope. It was supposed to be me. I grabbed a couple games. When I got there, the pastor encouraged me to keep the kids in the Bible study. There would be video clips. So I sat there with Baby throwing a fit just about the whole time. I was miserable; I just wanted to cry and then drag my kid out and beat her butt. I don't think I got much out of it.

And then the church lady came up and started complaining that everyone keeps asking her what they should do, and complaining that no one is getting involved and she has to do everything. I just had to get out of there.

Baby threw a fit all the way home. When we were getting in the car, she told me she had to pee. I told her she should have gone when we were in the church, and that now she could wait. I ended up turning up the CD so that I didn't have to hear her.

I think she's just become a complete brat, and I've about had it.

So I may be one of very few people who are looking forward to Monday.

Sad faces all around

My brother, sister-in-law and their 3 boys have been here for a couple days for a quick visit. Baby cried for a good half hour after they left. I felt like crying, but I held it in. But the kids played well together, and the adults had a nice visit.

September 11th

MY cleaning lady

So I humbled myself, and allowed my friend into our messy house. She's been so great; helping without criticism which is exactly what I needed. She even told me it wasn't that bad. I wanted to laugh out loud, because it is THAT bad. But we've cleaned the living room, dining room, kitchen, both kids' bedrooms and we're 2/3 done with the bathroom. She's definitely earning her pay. I have sorted through multiple piles of junk - papers, office supplies, bathroom stuff, JUNK - and we've filled a half dozen or so huge trash bags with trash. I have a couple piles and a box of things to sort through, and I'd be ok with company.

It's still raining; the grass is really getting green. But we're supposed to get between 6 and 10 inches in the next couple days. All I have to say is it's good to live on a mountain!

Rain

It started raining yesterday, and it's still raining. We have really needed rain. The grass is looking green again; it's so much nicer than looking at brown grass. But rain means 2 naughty, arguing children are cooped up in the house. And like most children, they feel the need to occupy the same 2 square feet of property. sigh So one is watching cartoons, and one is playing legos in a different room. It's the first time this morning there's been peace. Now if we could just find something other than Dora; that girl's voice gives a chalkboard a run for its money.

Where ya been?

My 2 readers might be asking that question. LOL

My husband was on vacation last week. We spent the week working at the church, trying to get things cleaned up and in order for the new pastor (who we still love, btw). DH and another man, along with the pastor, put in the new flooring in the offices. And then DH went back and did the thresholds and trimwork. And he went this week and helped the electrician run phone lines and electric to the office.

I am excited, impatient and exhausted when it comes to church. We have more kids coming on Sunday nights, and I want to go to church then, too. But while we have more kids coming, we have fewer people willing to help out with the nursery and with teaching kids' classes. So, I'm trying to be patient and hang in there a little longer. Last Sunday Pastor handed out surveys, hoping to find out what people would like to get involved in. I'm hoping there will be some pew-warmers who get off their... pew.

Baby had a birthday. She's 6 now. Wow. I tell her all the time that she needs to shrink. We had a party at the lake last week while Daddy could be there. I think she had a great time; she wanted a horse party. And she wanted a horse-head cake. She told me this like 2 days beforehand. I didn't have time to find a pan, and I wasn't up to freehanding it. I told her we'd do cupcakes for her lake party, and I'd make the other one for her actual day. Thankfully she was pacified.

Monday was her birthday. And I forgot that the preceding week when I made plans and commitments for this week. Oops. Monday morning, my friend Julie came over to help me clean. My house has gotten out of control. We cleaned Baby's room so she'd have a place to put her new presents. Love it.

After Julie left, I ran 40 minutes+ to get the kids signed up for homeschool for this year, and came home to decorate the cake I finished baking at 2:30 Monday morning. I got it done just as Daddy had to leave for work. And then I crashed. Until I woke up with horrible abdominal cramping. I ran to the bathroom, and while I was "going", I thought I was going to pass out or vomit. It was terrible. Between episodes I was lying on the bathroom floor.

Little Boy ran in the front door and hollered that Baby was going up the hill 3 houses to talk to the lady who lives there. He was all freaked out; I was so sick, and so mad. She knows better. The kids put on a little parade for the neighbor lady while I stood on the porch with my head on the railing. It was bad. I don't know if it was just stress? Bleh.

Today Julie came, and we cleaned our living room. I still have a couple of piles to deal with, but it looks really good. DH pitched in and helped, and the kids were in and out. Tomorrow we'll tackle the dining room. She's between jobs right now, so I am giving her money to help us. We'll do the kitchen next. That might take us into next week. And if she's still up for it, we can tackle the den, the basement, the garage, or my room? We'll see. We might go broke. LOL But I feel some of the depression lifting.

So, I hope to be back more often. Progress, just a little at a time.

Relief!

Our new pastor and his wife were at church yesterday. I've been teary for a couple days. It feels like I've been single-handedly keeping people on track. That is probably not the truth, but I know that few people even think ahead past Sunday dinner. But our pastor seems to really be "with it". Maybe I can relax my grip on the dashboard a bit.