Jack

No one warns you how your heart will break when you have to make that final decision to put your pet to sleep. We're going to DC this weekend, and I didn't want to leave Jack here by himself. As the week progressed, it was clear he wasn't going to make it. He ate less and less, and finally Wednesday night he refused to eat at all. He quit drinking water. When he walked he would take a few steps and sometimes fall over. I had planned to take him to the vet Thursday regardless, but he was making my choice "easier". I made sure the kids each spent some time with him Wednesday night before they went to bed. And I slept on the couch and held him all night. At some time during the night, he repositioned himself closer to my face and rested his face on my chin.

We took the kids to Grandma and Granddad's house at the lake. I had each kid come kiss me good-bye, and I had them say good-bye to Jack. And they ran off to have fun.

We got to the vet hospital; I went to the desk and checked in. When the girl asked me what Jack needed I almost lost it. I had called the day before; he needed to be put to sleep. We sat there waiting, and I tried to not sob out loud. I decided I didn't care what people thought. We finally got called back, and I did sob for a couple seconds. The vet and her assistant came in, and explained what she was going to do. I asked her if I was doing the right thing. That question had been in my head earlier in the week; I didn't want to put him to sleep just because we were leaving town. His refusal to eat proved he was ready to quit, she said.

She gave him the first shot to sedate him. I petted him and talked to him while it set in. He was so calm for the first time in a long time. Then she and the assistant came back in. She shaved a small area on his front leg. I prayed she'd be able to insert the IV. Otherwise she'd have to give him a shot in the heart. She got the IV. And then she gave him the shot. I just kept petting him. She waited a minute and listened to his heart; he was gone. She left us for a couple minutes, and the assistant came back in and got him. She was so gentle when she lifted him. We had him cremated, and they disposed of his ashes. I didn't want his ashes; that wasn't him.

We got back to the lake, and had to tell the kids. Little Boy cried; Baby wanted to go play. I let her go. We stayed through lunch; I slept on the couch in the den a little. We came home. That sad, empty carrier was in the trunk. I tucked the kids in and then Baby asked when Jack was coming home. I put her in bed, and explained everything again. I'm sure the super-tired, drama queen and her grief combined made for the hour-long cry-fest we had together. She finally fell asleep.

It was strange last night to leave open the door to our den, and to not ask my husband if he had fed the cat. I found a nice picture of Jack and Shadow for Baby to hold onto. I need to get it scanned in.